26 July 2012

Ripping off the bandaid, slowly

I have been trying to wrap my head around the repercussions of my appointment with my Napro doctor on Tuesday. Part of me didn't even want to go, and if I wasn't going to be charged $35 to miss the appointment, I would have.

I know that Dr. T is a wonderful doctor, and I know that I am so blessed to have her in my life. This post is proof.

Tuesday afternoon was just another example of how wonderful she is.

She actually seemed excited that I hadn't ovulated during this last ultrasound series/hormone panel.

Yes folks, excited.

She seems to think that this may be the missing link as to why we haven't conceived yet. You see, this was my fourth (is there a prize for that?) ultrasound series and this is the first time I did not ovulate. She thinks that my high FSH and new post-surgical ladyparts, that ovulation has become my problem.

So she wants us to try an HCG trigger shot for two months and post-peak progesterone. Since my hormones, CM, and follicles seem to be okay I don't need any more C.lomid or any other ovulation drugs. She seemed so confident that we could conceive that she checked the calendar to see if she would be back from her vacation (she is going to do some mission work in Africa for three weeks, honestly she is an angel!) in the time that I could possibly be pregnant.

I wanted so badly to tell her that I just couldn't do it, but her positivity started to sway me. It also didn't help that Mr. JB got all excited as well.

Part of me thinks that I need to try this new course of treatment. I need to see it through and then start the new TTC-free chapter of my life. But another part of me just wants to run and hide.

Two more months of TTC. Can I do it?

St. Anne, pray for us!

27 comments:

  1. What ever you decide, we support you! Prayers are you discern how to approach the next few months.

    Hugs!

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  2. Try everything. At least, you will never look back and say, "Oh, maybe if I would have tried that..." I know when you are so low it is hard to have hope. And the Good Lord knows you have been through so much. What's a little shot right?

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  3. I was there on tuesday too!! In the morning!! I'm having issues with my hormones being so low and i'm not ovulating either, but i came out feeling so great! the treatment i'm on isn't even helping my hormones rise, but yet i came out hopeful! She's going to put me on Clomid.
    She is truly an angel doing God's work. I'm so grateful for all she does!
    JB you are always in my prayers. May God console you and give you courage through which ever road you take!! Courage! God Bless you!!
    eilyn

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  4. Well, you already know my thoughts on the matter. :) Praying for you!!!!!

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  5. Though I haven't been trying anywhere near as long as you have, I well know the question of "Can I do it?" I'll be keeping you in my prayers as you try to discern whether it is the right choice for you.

    I can comment on doing an hCG trigger, though. I was very nervous about giving myself an injection, but I knew I wouldn't feel particularly loving towards my husband afterwards if I let him do it. The injection wasn't remotely as bad as I had expected.

    BTW, as I was finishing "The Infertility Companion for Catholics," I prayed for you during the prayer to Blessed John Paul II.

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  6. She sounds so wonderful, and I know after allthose years the thoughts of doing 2 more cycles must be hard, but you have done so much to get here.

    It seems that in your heart your ready to move onto the next step, but mr.jb is excited, maybe he's not ready? I know for me, I had to do every single thing I could do so that we both could have peace with our decision, and I'm glad I did it.

    Try and enjoy your summer vacay.

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  7. Two more cycles ... that's small potatoes to what you've done already. :) You are a TROOPER and a FIGHTER! Finish this strong and you won't have any regrets.
    I'll be praying for you, no matter what you decide to do! (((hugs)))

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  8. Sweetie, not only CAN you do it, but I think you also must. One big thing for me was, (and why it took me 6 months) that I couldn't fully give it all over if I didn't feel like I had done everything *I* could to optimize my fertility/try to adopt. Once I had quite literally done it all, it was so much easier. And I'm not saying this because I think this treatment won't work, on the contrary, I think you have a really good chance of it working. You may never need to "go there," but it's good to know that if you do, it will be easier.
    As for the treatment, hey, can't conceive without ovulating, right?? This can be huge! I pray Fr. Mike's words will ring true for you this year! (always easier to believe it for someone else, right?!) I'll be praying.

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  9. Yes, I think you can do it! Trigger shots were definitely part of my "must try" protocol. I will be praying for you to come to a decision that both you and your DH are comfortable with........St Anne, please PRAY for our sweet and faithful JB!

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  10. Wow, that made me kind of excited too! I also always wanted to make sure I pursued all available options so that I wouldn't wonder in the future, what if I tried XYZ? But of course I am behind you with anything you decide.

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  11. I would be excited! She (your MD) sounds great! Very hopeful- still praying for you everyday...this will happen!! it will happen!! You still coming to St. Rita's Shrine???

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  12. I think you can do it! HCG really works for some people. She really sounds like a terrific doctor too. You continue to be in my prayers.

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  13. Your MD sounds so great! I have to echo others' encouragement for 2 more cycles... you can do it, and better yet, there is a deadline... 2 more cycles. At least for me, deadlines make it so much easier for me to bear something hard. Regardless of the outcome, TCIE makes a great point regarding the ability to have peace. You've been in my prayers!

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  14. Honey, I think you can do it. You are much, much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And at the end of those two cycles you'll have one of two things - a beautiful life growing inside you that all your ladies here will be praying for or the peace of knowing that you did everything you could, no regrets.

    I'm praying for you!

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  15. Praying for you, whatever you and Mr. JB decide to do!

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  16. I encourage you to do all youcan do so you cant look back and regret. I have soooo much hope for you JB!!! I look forward to praying for you. Hold your head high!!!! Hugs:)))

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  17. Go for it! It will not hurt to try. That is great that your Dr is so optimistic...now you need to be on board with her...get on that optimistic train!

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  18. Identifying a problem (not ovulating) is always a good thing, especially if it's fixable! Praying for you!

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  19. You can do it! It's always darkest right before the dawn!

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  20. Oh, the roller coaster of IF. I truly cannot think of a more perfect example of being taught to die to self and follow the Lord than IF.

    Prayers for you as you follow Him and step out in faith and hope once again. I know I'd do the same - and be praying with all my might the whole time, so I am praying with all my might for you.

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  21. You can do it JB, you are so strong and we've got your back.

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  22. After all you have done, two months is nothing. If she and Mr JB are that excited, you should do it. If nothing comes of it you can move on knowing you did everything. Xoxo

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  23. I think you need to do what's best for your peace of mind. Is your sanity hanging by a thread, which will snap if you have to go through one more failed cycle? Or are you in danger of doubting your decision if you quit now?

    Note that I don't suggest you make any decisions based on the assumption that this treatment will most likely work and you'll get pregnant. That's not because I lack faith in God's goodness (and don't let anyone tell you that a decision not to keep trying is a lack of faith). But God's goodness is far from guaranteed to manifest itself in pregnancy. We have to use our good judgment to assess how likely it is that pregnancy will be the next outcome, and how our psychological (and, let's be honest, spiritual) resources will be affected by going after whatever magnitude of possibility that is. Is it worth it to "believe in pregnancy" so hard that you jeopardize your belief in God's love? Or your commitment to follow his will?

    I'm sure it sounds like I'm arguing against trying this treatment. I'm not. And I sincerely hope that, if you try it, it works for you. But I know that the easy thing is for everyone to say, "You should go for it!! I have such a good feeling about this!!!" Those words are cheap, because they won't have to deal with the fallout if it doesn't. You will. You have to decide.

    I know you and Mr. JB will do the best thing for your family. God willing, whatever you do next will be the last thing necessary to find peace and joy. Godspeed!

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  24. I agree with TCIE.
    For myself, I knew I coud not put it all behind me until I had tried everything possible (within reason of course! And this is where discernment is critical!)

    So, you have to ask yourself, "is this treatment reasonable to try? What are the consequences to failure, and what are the consequences to not even trying at all ..."

    I say go for it, but I know this is your decision. Prayers for you!

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