I talk a lot.
All the time.
I was the loudest baby in the nursery (despite, my preemie status) and I talk ALL day at my job.
It is so strange to me that I feel like I have nothing to say here on my blog, although according to my archives, I've been quite prolific in 2010.
It's CD19 and I think that peak was yesterday. I've been a lackadaisical charter (sorry all of the practitioners out there!), but my body has followed the same pattern since my second surgery, so I don't pay as close attention as I used to. I've felt the pangs of guilt when I have a quick pee and I don't wipe before (sorry, TMI, but this is an IF blog and really, we are all very comfortable with talk about CM and the like).
I like to think of my nonchalance as a way to rebel and to take back control.
I was thinking tonight while in the shower about something that Dr. Nora said to me at my appointment last week. While looking at my chart she noticed that Mr. JB and I only used our days of fertility and then afterwards there were no "marital relations." She basically ordered me to have sex with my husband.
She asked if I enjoyed the marital act and of course I responded yes, but it has become such a chore. Fertility-based sex is not fun and after "giving it our best shot" for the past five years I just want a freaking break after ovulation!
I miss the naivete that our early marriage had. I wish that I could not think about procreating every time I was with my husband, but I can't.
Oh Lord, do I need therapy or what????
I am so thankful that talking to Dr. Nora is like talking to a therapist! I honestly can't fit another health care practitioner in my schedule!
So friends, how has IF affected your lives in the bedroom? Do any of you have any tactics to help turn off the fertility brain?
All I know now is that I need to go to bed. The end of Daylight Savings Time has been a little hard on me and I'm pooped!
p.s. My new dose of H.yrdocort is helping, although I cheated on Saturday and tried 10mg in the morning and then 5mg at lunch and I was feeling so good. I was a bit late with my lunch time dose, so I took it at about 2pm and I was able to get through the rest of my day and a long wait at my GP's office with no problem. I don't think that 10mg is my sweet spot, but Dr. T is ever-cautious, so it'll have to wait until the new year until I can get more H.yrocort in me!