25 October 2010

New Focus

I thought that this new phase in our infertility struggle needed a blog re-design. I'm not done tweaking it yet and I'm not 100% happy with the new layout, but like my IF struggle as of late, it seems to be evolving.

I'd like to believe that I'm entering into a phase where more happiness awaits. I'm sure that there will be even more waiting, and more frustration, but hopefully there will be a baby in the end.

If I only knew that making a baby the old-fashioned way wasn't going to be straightforward five years ago. I know that there is no way that I could've prepared my heart for all of the emotions that I have felt since that first time that AF arrived after two weeks of hoping.

How naive I was.

I got a response from one of the adoption agencies that I e-mailed last night. In fact, the response came around 9am this morning. I haven't heard from one of the others and my message bounced back from the third. Here's what the message said:

Dear Mr and Mrs. JellyBelly,

Thank you for your interest in our agency.

The adoption process takes approximately 2 years to be matched with a 
child once your approved paperwork arrives in the P.hilippines.  
Currently there is moratorium in effect in the P.hilippines which means 
they are not accepting any new applicants for children under 24 months 
of age.  The youngest applicant cannot be more than 45 years older 
than the child.  The fees to facilitate the adoption are approximately 
$20,000.00 and is paid at different times throughout the process.  If 
you require further information please call the office at 
416-2*3-****  I could also arrange a consultation appointment for you 
which is about an hour in length.  During this appointment we would go 
over in detail time lines, fees, process and give you any paperwork 
specific to the P.hilippines.  The fee for the consultation is $210.00.

Have a nice day,
Adoption lady

So the cost is a bit less that I thought it would be. Mr. JB was a bit shocked, but he has no concept about how much adoption costs. I actually thought that it would be more! It looks like we're going to have to make an appointment for a consultation. I'm trying not to be resentful about the $210 or even the $20 0000. As so many of you have told me, it will all be worth it.

I also e-mailed a close friend of mine who has recently adopted a baby domestically. I knew that him and his partner were home study approved and that they were waiting and I was absolutely overjoyed to learn last week that their baby had come into their lives. He didn't know about our IF struggle and I gave him the short history of our struggle and as well as asked him about their experience with domestic adoption. I haven't taken domestic adoption off of the table and I am very interested in the agency that they used. We'll have to see what kind of information that we get from them. It would be nice to work with an agency that friends of ours have had experience with.

For the first time in almost five years I feel truly hopeful. Perhaps taking the focus away from my broken body and wonky hormones is just what my tired, disappointed soul needs. Like my dear, This Cross I Embrace said to me last night, "Your baby's in utero right now going "It's about time, mommy!"

That image alone made my heart smile.

I'm coming to get you baby. I don't know how long it's going to take, but mommy is coming to get you.


  1. I'm so happy to reas this, from what I know private domestic is more affordable then international(and you can have access to a baby when they are born!).

  2. reading this makes me smile! :)

  3. I absolutely love the last two lines!

  4. My heart is already overflowing with joy for you! It is so wonderful to see you full of hope! Praying that this process goes smoothly and quickly!

  5. The end makes me tear up!!

    There's so much I want to say to you about adoption but I'll spare you.. haha :) You know my feelings about this!! I just excitedly hope and pray that things continue to move forward for you!!!

  6. I've been a reader of your blog for quite some time, but have never left a comment. Like the others, the last two lines got me too and I hope you and your baby are united soon. I struggled with infertility for five years so I definitely understand the great emotion and heartache involved. I am so happy that you now have renewed hope. May God continue to keep you in His great care as you wait. Looking forward to the day when I read on your blog that you are a mommy!

  7. These boots were made for walking and that's just what you'll do!

    Go JB!!!!!!!!!

  8. This renewed hope is just what you needed ;)

  9. I really am so happy to hear this. As someone who has lots of torn feelings about adoption, I think you are doing just the right thing in taking it one step at a time and seeing where your heart takes you. It's an exciting and hopefilled journey in itself. So full of wonder...Adoption is for the mega blessed! And, you are deserving of mega blessings!

  10. There are many benefits to domestic adoption, including (sometimes) getting to be there for the birth, as well as knowing the full biological/medical history of your child (granted many times its difficult to know b-father's history but at least you get b-mother's).

    You know I never thought I'd end up doing domestic adoption but we prayed about it and the Lord clearly gave us a sense of peace in our hearts about it over international. Who knows what His plans are for you, but this is where the miracle of adoption is really evident. While it might seem like you are fumbling around in the dark without a flashlight at this point, God knows your child by name and He will bring you both together. Just keep praying and knocking on doors!!

    (sidenote: didn't you say you wanted a newborn? Does the moratorium thing rule out the Phillipines? I didn't really understand that part)

  11. I am so freaking excited for you!! And your baby!!

    You and Mr JB are going to be some super cool parents.

  12. Please look into China's Special Needs program. A lot of the special needs are very minor and/or correctable. And children as young as 6-7 months.
    You will wait as little as 6 months to bring your child home, especially if you submit your paperwork to China before you are matched off the Shared List of Special needs children. Cost is similar to Philippines. Just wanted you to know all your options.
    Best wishes to you and your soon to be growing family!!!

  13. This post is so sweet! I love that your baby is already out there somewhere just waiting for you!

  14. those last few lines made me tear up. i pray for peace for both of you as you continue this journey...although maybe in a new direction :)

  15. I think you'll be a bit clearer on which direction you want to head after the consultation. I know when we went to our first adoption information meeting, I was almost 100% sure I wanted to adopt from Korea, but afterward both Hubby and I thought domestic adoption would be a better option for us.
    $20k is less than I was thinking,too! That's great! Do you get any tax credits or deductions for adoption in Canada?

  16. My apologies for being a bad commenter of late - I haven't stopped reading or thinking of you! Whatever you decide to pursue - and there looks like there is some good information here, I am praying for you and so glad you are moving forward.

  17. Love your attitude. You're going to win this.

  18. Hi JellyBelly,
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  19. That last line brings tears to my eyes. I'm am overjoyed at your hopefulness and the new direction you're taking. I can't wait to witness this journey you're on! :)

  20. The last few lines were amazing and very hopeful! I'm praying.

  21. I'm so happy for you! :) Love the last two lines!

  22. I would love to have you in my class!!! what fun :)

    I absolutely love your new site and LOVE how happy you sound. I know its just words on the screen but I can actually here the forward momentum and happiness in your voice. I am really happy that both of us are finally evolving, or trying to at least. I know the last 2 years have felt much like limbo for us, but time's they are a changin' I can't wait for the day we can look back on this and see why this is the way it had to be!

  23. Good to see you are moving forward in the adoption process! and a baby from the phillipines too? That is awesome :) It is just so sad to me that the cost is so astronomical :(

  24. I could cry reading this. I could just cry. Actually, tears are in my eyes as I write this. I cannot wait to see the baby God will bring you. By labor day. That's my prayer. Big big hug for today and all through the advent season....