New Focus

I thought that this new phase in our infertility struggle needed a blog re-design. I'm not done tweaking it yet and I'm not 100% happy with the new layout, but like my IF struggle as of late, it seems to be evolving.

I'd like to believe that I'm entering into a phase where more happiness awaits. I'm sure that there will be even more waiting, and more frustration, but hopefully there will be a baby in the end.

If I only knew that making a baby the old-fashioned way wasn't going to be straightforward five years ago. I know that there is no way that I could've prepared my heart for all of the emotions that I have felt since that first time that AF arrived after two weeks of hoping.

How naive I was.

I got a response from one of the adoption agencies that I e-mailed last night. In fact, the response came around 9am this morning. I haven't heard from one of the others and my message bounced back from the third. Here's what the message said:


Dear Mr and Mrs. JellyBelly,


Thank you for your interest in our agency.

The adoption process takes approximately 2 years to be matched with a 
child once your approved paperwork arrives in the P.hilippines.  
Currently there is moratorium in effect in the P.hilippines which means 
they are not accepting any new applicants for children under 24 months 
of age.  The youngest applicant cannot be more than 45 years older 
than the child.  The fees to facilitate the adoption are approximately 
$20,000.00 and is paid at different times throughout the process.  If 
you require further information please call the office at 
416-2*3-****  I could also arrange a consultation appointment for you 
which is about an hour in length.  During this appointment we would go 
over in detail time lines, fees, process and give you any paperwork 
specific to the P.hilippines.  The fee for the consultation is $210.00.


Have a nice day,
Adoption lady

So the cost is a bit less that I thought it would be. Mr. JB was a bit shocked, but he has no concept about how much adoption costs. I actually thought that it would be more! It looks like we're going to have to make an appointment for a consultation. I'm trying not to be resentful about the $210 or even the $20 0000. As so many of you have told me, it will all be worth it.

I also e-mailed a close friend of mine who has recently adopted a baby domestically. I knew that him and his partner were home study approved and that they were waiting and I was absolutely overjoyed to learn last week that their baby had come into their lives. He didn't know about our IF struggle and I gave him the short history of our struggle and as well as asked him about their experience with domestic adoption. I haven't taken domestic adoption off of the table and I am very interested in the agency that they used. We'll have to see what kind of information that we get from them. It would be nice to work with an agency that friends of ours have had experience with.

For the first time in almost five years I feel truly hopeful. Perhaps taking the focus away from my broken body and wonky hormones is just what my tired, disappointed soul needs. Like my dear, This Cross I Embrace said to me last night, "Your baby's in utero right now going "It's about time, mommy!"

That image alone made my heart smile.

I'm coming to get you baby. I don't know how long it's going to take, but mommy is coming to get you.