16 October 2010

My Crazy Mother Strikes Again

One would think that I would be used to my mother's shenanigans by now.

Unfortunately, she is the only person on this planet that can have my blood boil and make me cry at the same time, all while unnecessarily blaming myself for having done everything wrong.

Earlier last week I asked my mom to be on the lookout for a new winter coat for me. My mom loves to shop and particularly loves to have something specific to look for. I know that she often goes to the mall with her girlfriends or sisters so I knew that it would be something that she would enjoy doing.

She called this morning while I was on my way from yoga and she told Mr JB that she may have found a coat for me. I was pretty happy to hear that so I called her as soon as I walked in the door. She was very pleasant and said that she would even put the coat on layaway for me if she found one in my size (she knows my taste in clothes very well). Then she gave me some news that completely shocked me.

Let me give you some background, before I continue: Mr. JB is deathly allergic to cats and when I moved into our house a few months before our wedding my cat went to live with my parents. It was the saddest day of my life and Mr. JB drove her to their house alone because I couldn't bear to do it. She has lived with them since April 2005 and has done so very happily. My dad has a cat and they have a large house and a big backyard, and there is usually someone home.

My mom has been complaining about her blood pressure for the past week and she's even taken time off of work (really, she takes a lot of time off in general, I really don't know why she even bothers pretending to work full time!) because of it.

Then she started telling me about how she wants to put my cat down because she's been missing the litter box. Apparently for the past week (which I find interesting since she has not mentioned my cat to myself of Mr. JB and we have talked to her pretty much every other day) my cat has been behaving strangely. She's been scratching the furniture, peeing everywhere and just not acting like herself.

My cat is a very laid back animal. She's almost 13 years old and she's always had a very gentle personality. The only times she behaves out of the ordinary is when she's sick. The last time she was really ill was when we moved to Ottawa for Teachers' College. I took her to the vet and she got some medication and then she was fine. I explained this very calmly to my mother and I asked her if she had thought about taking her to the vet and she said no.

I tried so hard not to yell or lose my mind and I explained to her that I would pay for the vet bills and medication, but instead of wanting to euthanize my pet, she needed to take her to the vet ASAP. She did mention that a new P.et S.mart had opened up by their house and that she knew that the vet was open on Saturdays and that she would check it out sometime today. I offered to take the cat to my old vet, but it would involve over an hour in the car which would drive my cat crazy.

I know that she's older and she is also very overweight (my parents are the most vigilant with keeping up with shots and that sort of stuff). Although my cat is an indoor cat, theirs goes out into the neighbourhood so who knows what the other cat has brought into the house.

Needless to say, as soon as I got off of the phone I broke down. Mr JB came up to find me crying on our bed. It also doesn't help that his dad is here and I have had to hold it together (I also got quite angry at him last night because of his use of "Chinaman," I've told him over and over again that the term is offensive, particularly because I am ASIAN!). He tried to backtrack and say that in his day the words weren't bad and I repeated that I have explained to him before that it is offensive to me so he should stop. I have never taken such a firm tone with him before, but I just couldn't take it, particularly because I asked him not to use the term over Thanksgiving last week.

Please pray for my beloved Fussy Cat. I know that there are a lot of animal lovers out there among my readers and that you would all understand my sadness and frustration.


  1. My parents will watch our beloved cat...but I couldn't let him live there...since he needs shots for his I.bS...my mom feels it would be best to put him down as well. She states that so matter of factly. He's completely healthy with the exception of needing one shot every other month to help his tummy. It really is not a big deal! She loves our cat and he loves her as well...it just breaks my heart that she could be so irrational and just end his life..poof! Thank God he can stay with us for the rest of his life.

    So, I do know your feelings and I will say a little prayer to St. Francis of Assisi to protect your little kitty. :)

    As a side note...I do sometimes think about what we would do if we adopted a child who was allergic to cats? Who would take our boy knowing he needs shots and very expensive food for his tummy? Breaks my heart to think about that.

  2. Oh, I very much am a fan of cats and will definitely ask St. Francis to intercede for you on this one! I hope the weekend gets better!

  3. What's up with our mothers?!?!?! Why can't they be normal? I'm so sorry. Do you know a cat lover that would take your cat?

    Did I ever tell you about my grandmother and my first boyfriend who was Japanese? Sounds like my grandmother and your FIL were cut from the same cloth. I know my grandmother didn't mean any harm and I'm sure that your FIL doesn't either but seriously comments can really hurt. Here's hoping that he gets a clue. Praying for you!

  4. I'm sorry, JB. I'll pray for your cat and for everything else you have going on in your life (like your mom and your FIL). Update us soon on everything.

  5. Oh JB, I can definitely relate. :( I had a cat before Bill and I got married, but we moved into a tiny one bedroom apartment, I was teaching and coaching, and Bill was working and coaching, and we were gone for 13 hours a day! So Toby went to live with my mother in law who had been wanting a cat, and Bill's younger siblings would be home every day to provide lots of interaction and play time. The day I dropped him off, I cried and cried and cried...

    Well it turns out the my MIL is not a good pet person. She would switch his food brand depending on what was on sale, not put enough litter in his box, forget to take him to the vet etc.

    Then, one day she calls to tell me that Toby has been urinating on her living room chair, and she needs to get rid of him. I asked her if she had tried to correct the problem, and she said no but agreed to try.

    I did the research and gave her specific instructions along with deterrent products, and I assumed things were going well since she didn't mention it again.

    6 months later, my MIL calls Bill and tells him she is getting rid of Toby and wants to know where to take him! She says she is taking him to the Humane Society!!!

    I immediately call her back trying to hold it together and beg her to let me try and find him a home. I knew that if she told the Humane Society that he was having litter box issues, he would probably be euthanized after not finding a home. :(

    I did manage to find him a home thankfully with a cat person who was willing to work with a cat on litter box issues.

    I too will say a prayer to St. Francis of Assisi for you and your kitty.

    And I hope your father in law will be more sensitive!

  6. I am so sorry. :(
    Issues with moms are bad enough, but then when beloved pets are involved... aghhhh!

  7. Oh -- I so empathize -- my cat is nearly 20 years old and when I first moved home 10 years ago my mother offered to take care of her -- and then one night she had Colvin on a leash and a dog attacked her -- she was fine -- but it was a brush with death that happened in large part because of my mother's inattentiveness (and having had a few cocktails I'd bet) -- I know how hard it is.

    I am thinking of you and your sweet kitty.

  8. I will pray for your kitty cat. Sorry! :(

  9. Wow, your poor kitty! What is your mom thinking?! My mom isn't the biggest fan of my cat (he likes to stalk her around the house at night), but she watched him for us for a couple months while we waited until it was cool enough to fly him cargo to Korea and she put up with his crazy shenanigans.
    I'm sorry your mom doesn't realize how much your cat means to you :(.

  10. My mother euthanized my 15-year-old, lovable, PERFECTLY healthy cat before she moved from NY to CA because she found it too inconvenient to CALL my sister back and tell her that she could come up and take her.

    So, I definitely feel for you. And I really lost it over that as well. I don't know what gets into people. My mom is actually mentally ill (I don't think that excuses what she did AT ALL but it partially explains it). Is this something your mom would have said ten years ago, or is it possible she's not thinking as clearly as she used to be?

  11. Oh no I am so, so sorry!!!
    Is there any way you could drive the cat to a vet closer to their house? It sounds like the poor thing has a bladder infection, that's all.

    This is so saddening, I do hope and pray the cat can get treatment asap and that your mom doesn't resort to euthanizing him.