26 November 2008

Knowledge is power, yes?

I've always loved doing research. As an educator I get to learn knew things every day. I honestly believe that ignorance isn't bliss.

Until today.

We had another follow-up appointment with our NaproTechnology doctor and it was quite the eventful visit. It didn't help our mood that we had to wait almost two hours to see her -- Mr. JB even checked with the receptionist to see what the delay was and he's certain that they forgot about us! It also didn't help that I had to wear a mask in the waiting room because I am sick, again! I even had to wear it during my visit with my doctor!

Dr. T is a very thorough doctor, so I know that I shouldn't complain about waiting so long since she gives the same attention to each of her patients. She went over my bloodwork and said that my estrogen levels are good and that my progesterone levels are still a little low (my peak +7 levels were taken last night at 5pm and she was able to get the results this morning!). Dr. T also said that she was concerned about my mucus scores (they were 8 for this cycle) as well as all of my 10SL days post peak. She was also concerned about my 14 day period this cycle. Now that my estrogen and progesterone are pretty good, she's pretty certain that I have endometriosis.

Dr. T also did an internal exam and she said that my cervix was inflamed so wouldn't be able to get the swabs that she wanted. She said that she wasn't concerned about the inflammation, but I'm adding it to my list of things to worry about.

So here is our course of action: Dr. T is getting me a referral for the doctor that will be doing the laparoscopic surgery and until then she's put me on a mucus enhancer (B6), and she also wants to try Clomid for two cycles, just in case.

I know that I should feel relieved that my doctor is coming to some sort of conclusion as to why we haven't yet conceived, but I'm feeling so defeated right now. I feel so disappointed that the HCG wasn't the miracle cure that I thought it was going to be. I'm also worried that I'm going to have to tell my new principal about having to take time off for the surgery. I'm sure that it's not going to be an issue, but it's just something else to worry about.

The one thing that is more worrisome is that I'm scared that the doctor will find more things wrong with me. I'm so mentally and physically drained right now that thinking about the surgery makes me cry.

I need to go to bed. Perhaps, when I finally get better from my cold I'll have a clearer head to think things through. All I know now is that I'm scared and I don't know how much more my infertile psyche can take.


  1. I know your fear! It's okay! Did you know that 70-80% of the women that are unable to conceive have the devil disease of endo!

    I can tell you, I know I am doing a TON of complaining on my blog, but my insides feel different. They feel free, not bonded. It's such a different type of feeling than what I have ever felt before.

    And the Lap surgery is really nothing. I haven't had painkillers in so long! So I would basically be painfree if it weren't for the bowel surgery.

    But you will know what the worse case scenario is before you go in. I know that is not really relieving, but this could be a good thing!

    And if you can handle the bowel issues that you experience now, Honey you got this lap surgery! :)

  2. I think you and me have the same Dr. T. I'm surprised you had to wait so long!!

    I cried when she told me that i had to do another laparascopy. I cried when i did the first one. I had never had a surgery before so I was scared of the anesthesia.

    Hold on to the fact that,while you may not be getting the best news, you are, however, getting to the root of this problem and slowly, but surely, you will receive the treatment that you need and before you know it you'll be on your way to having a baby!!

    God knows your struggles don't loose hope. Courage!!
    I hope you feel better!

  3. okay, are you alright - now she's thinks that you have endo after all this time, totally fustrating. The actual surgery didn't hurt the first time or the second time, but, as you know I'm always concerned with doing surgery because of the scarring that is caused... I'm going to email you.
    Oh and I have a blog now - come check it out.

  4. The only thing that's helped me keep from becoming a ball of anxiety is to force myself to take things one step at a time.

    The next step, as things stand for you, is a lap, if you choose to take it. If things are rough right now, maybe you should put it off for a month or two. The procedure itself won't be that bad, but the lead up is stressful (I was pretty damn scared).

    Sending big hugs your way, JB!

  5. Oh, no :( I am so sorry that you are feeling defeated right now. It does sound as if your Dr is moving somewhat "slowly"... but at the same time, she does sound very throrough, and sounds like she doesn't want to do everything-at-once and overwhelm your system.
    Clomid (ovulation induction) did wonders for my body. Before it, the progesterone injections and hCG did nothing to help me, either (except that I had less bleeding). But Clomid finally got me "in the ballgame" I like to say, because it was the first time I KNEW I had O'd. I'd ask her if you could take something else aside from B6 during your Peak-time for mucus, though. Like Mucinex or Amoxicillin. (B6 you take every day, but others you can take just for about 5 days around suspected Peak.)
    I really, really hope this works for you. You're in my prayers.

  6. A lap sucks, but what if it is endo? They can clean you up and maybe it will makes things work like they should. It is all frustrating.

  7. I am actually very excited for you.I am a HUGE believer in laparoscopy as the best treatment for people with endo. Just look at Beth from Beautiful Day. She had stage 4 endo removed and now, 2 kids later ... well -- that was it!

    I am SO thankful I had lap surgery to remove my stage 4 endo, and I can honestly say that my periods are NOTHING like they used to be painwise so I know I'm better off.

    Don't fear the surgery - it's WAY easier than the stress of living IF every day. Trust me on that:)

  8. Okay, well if you are going to do a lap, and you have a previous history of bowel problems, then you really need to see the best Doc in town for it. My OB/Gyn refused to do a lap on me when she heard that I had previously had bowel involvement and referred me to this guy because she says he's the best for complicated cases. She didn't dare touch me.

    If you email me, I'll give you the name, and you can ask your doc what he thinks.

    Also, any possibility of using femara instead of clomid? It's better than clomid for people with mucus issues because clomid can mess up your mucus.

    Maybe worth asking?