Since we starting TTC almost three years ago I feel like a lot in my life hasn't gone my way. I realize that a lot of this feeling has to do with optics and the feel-me-sorries, but I'm human and I feel like life has been kicking me in the butt. So when I got the job that I interviewed last week I was pretty pumped. I may not be able to make a baby, but I can get a job that I actually want! Woohoo for me!
I have also realized since TTC that people are very envious. I know that my dislike of teaching nemesis is that fact that she got pregnant almost instantly. I know that so many of my angry thoughts directed in her direction are all based in my jealously.
But at least I can recognize that.
I also know that I have very little patience for super-fertile women that complain about their bodies changing for the worst and their lack of sleep due to their little ones at home. I recognize that if I was also one of the sleep-deprived fertiles out there that I would be able to commiserate. Alas I am not.
One of my friends at school, let's call her StoryTopper, has been raining on my parade since I announced that I got the new position. She is also a French teacher and has been teaching the same thing for quite a long time. When the postings came out she expressed interest in applying, but she didn't. As soon as I started telling my colleagues that I got the position she said, "Well I should teach with you!" Which totally doesn't make sense since she didn't even apply. I also feel like every time that I say something she negates it with yet another story. I realize that she must have a really low self-esteem that she has to be the centre of attention at all times. I also realize that she must feel like she wouldn't have gotten the position to not even try and apply. At times I think that StoryTopper is my friend. We have fun together and I think that she's great. I also know that I don't need constant validation to feel good and appreciated. I know that I'm a good teacher and I know that my students are happy. I just want the opportunity to feel happy and proud of myself for just this once.
I really have to let this go if I can stand being around StoryTopper until the end of the school year. Thank God for the bloggosphere.