5 May 2008

Rain on my parade

Since we starting TTC almost three years ago I feel like a lot in my life hasn't gone my way. I realize that a lot of this feeling has to do with optics and the feel-me-sorries, but I'm human and I feel like life has been kicking me in the butt. So when I got the job that I interviewed last week I was pretty pumped. I may not be able to make a baby, but I can get a job that I actually want! Woohoo for me!

I have also realized since TTC that people are very envious. I know that my dislike of teaching nemesis is that fact that she got pregnant almost instantly. I know that so many of my angry thoughts directed in her direction are all based in my jealously.

But at least I can recognize that.

I also know that I have very little patience for super-fertile women that complain about their bodies changing for the worst and their lack of sleep due to their little ones at home. I recognize that if I was also one of the sleep-deprived fertiles out there that I would be able to commiserate. Alas I am not.

One of my friends at school, let's call her StoryTopper, has been raining on my parade since I announced that I got the new position. She is also a French teacher and has been teaching the same thing for quite a long time. When the postings came out she expressed interest in applying, but she didn't. As soon as I started telling my colleagues that I got the position she said, "Well I should teach with you!" Which totally doesn't make sense since she didn't even apply. I also feel like every time that I say something she negates it with yet another story. I realize that she must have a really low self-esteem that she has to be the centre of attention at all times. I also realize that she must feel like she wouldn't have gotten the position to not even try and apply. At times I think that StoryTopper is my friend. We have fun together and I think that she's great. I also know that I don't need constant validation to feel good and appreciated. I know that I'm a good teacher and I know that my students are happy. I just want the opportunity to feel happy and proud of myself for just this once.

I really have to let this go if I can stand being around StoryTopper until the end of the school year. Thank God for the bloggosphere.

5 comments:

  1. Even if she had applied, you would have gotten the job because you rock. Your students are lucky to have you as a teacher.

    I think we all have those kinds of people in our lives. I hope she will let you have your excitement - because you EARNED it.

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  2. I love your blog.

    If you ever want to read about my infertility saga, let me know. My blog is invite only (didn't want to run the risk of real life people reading all about our IF!).

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  3. I totally get your post. Been there, all those feelings of jealousy of the uber fertile.

    Congrats on the job, you rock. Be proud.

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  4. I"m not sure StoryTopper is really a friend if she is so self-absorbed that she can't even listen you you without interjecting her own stuff on to it. You would have gotten that job in any case, don't you doubt it!

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  5. Aye, that's a tough one. But I'm with Ahuva B.: If she can't find it in her heart to enjoy your celebration (when she didn't even bother to apply! I mean, wtf?), then she's probably not a friend. A fun buddy to have around, sure.

    You just relish your excitement and joy! Don't let anyone deflate you right now!

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