The letter B!
All week I've been feeling really hostile. I've been incredibly tired and grouchy which I'm going to blame on extreme end of the year exhaustion and not on PMS or just being crazy. It also didn't help that I got a yeast infection. Honestly, I believe that my lady parts are holding a revolt against me. I'm going to blame the invasion of the yeastie beasties on wearing the wrong type of underpants to yoga last week and I'm sticking to it. AND I've also done something to my IT band on my left side so I couldn't go to yoga yesterday or today.
But despite all of the anger and hostility the letter B does not stand for bitchy.
When we got home from church this morning Mr. JB's dad called to wish me Happy Mother's Day.
Well, really he left a message saying that he had to speak to Mr. JB and the Happy Mother's Day was just a tag-on at the end. He really wanted to mention that he had some gossip to share and that it was too cold to plant flowers at Mr. JB's mom's grave. I realize that at 71 he just wasn't thinking about what he was saying, but come on!
Even before our incredibly frustrating TTC journey Mother's Day has been bittersweet. My mother being the crazy lady that she is has always made the day difficult. It was always easier when I was in a totally different city or even better a totally different country and I could send her something and placate her. But now that I'm a homeowner in generally the same vicinity, I am obligated to play the dutiful daughter and invite her over to our house. Which is a total joke.
My issues with my crazy mother could fill volumes, but since her manipulation surrounding my birthday (see here if you're interested in the lowdown) is still really pissing me off. It took her until the end of March to come over to give me my birthday present (and it took digging in my heals and refusing to go to their house). My birthday is at the end of January. We live in the same city only a twenty minute drive away. She also went to visit my cousin's baby on my birthday instead of coming to see me. She also manipulated us into paying for her plane ticket to the Dominican Republic for her sixtieth birthday (she said that she found a ticket for $200, which then changed to $300 and then I just finally cut her a cheque for $500 just to shut her up). Well, she's decided that the tickets are just too expensive and that she's just going to buy a new mattress with the money we gave her. Yeah right.
So I'm tired of dealing with her and the fact that I still am not a mom is turning the knife just that little bit more.
There isn't a Happy You're Barren Day card. There isn't a special brunch that I can get taken to. Last time I checked there aren't any commercials that celebrate my empty uterus and childless life.
So this B is for me and for the rest of my sisters in struggle. I don't think that I'm ready to sport the B as my new spring fashion accessory, but I'm going to own it.
And hopefully, one day I will get a Mother's Day card and not just an awkward message from my well-meaning father-in-law.