Prayers please!!

I found out before I left school last night that one of my students and her family may be deported.

She is a refugee from Africa and they have been in Canada for four years. I'm unclear as to the particulars, but I know from the school secretary that they have been pleading their case, but their request is falling on deaf ears.

This student is one of my bright lights, and in a tough class she really stood out. She has thrived living here and I know that the conditions that she would return to would be horrible.

Please pray that the bureaucrats in charge see the light and let them stay!

The End Is In Sight!

Five more teaching days.

This has been the hardest year of teaching.

Ever.

I have been dreaming of the dismissal bell on June 29th for far too long.

Lord, please give me patience during this last week of school. And please, send us some cooler weather so we don't bake!

St. John Neumann, pray for us!

Bonding

The timing could not have been better.

I bought tickets to see Sarah McLachlan in the winter while I was off. June seemed so far away! My fertile bf and I are going alone -- we never go out alone, at least we haven't in YEARS!

I am looking forward to bonding and reminiscing (we listened to a lot of Sarah in university!). I feel like she wrote the soundtrack of my life! When I listen to Afterglow I feel like she's singing about me. I wanted "Push" to be our first dance, but Mr. JB vetoed it.

So, for your listening and viewing pleasure I wanted to share one of my faves:

I also never go out on a Friday night, so this is going to be so much fun. I may need some caffeine or real sugar to get some energy!

(Don't worry, I'm just joking, although I had a diet C.oke at lunch today, it was so good!). 

So, so sad

My fertile bf just told me that they're moving.

For the past seven years we have lived two minutes away from one another.

She lost her job a few months ago and she hates living away from her family. In the big picture it is so much better to be closer to their families.

I am so, so sad.

Now I have to hold it together and teach.

* They're moving two cities away. It'll be about an hour drive without traffic.

Slogging Through

School is out in nine days.

Nine, very long days.

I don't know how I'm going to handle my crazy class, moving classrooms and the unbearable heat.

Yes, my school is not air conditioned. It's inhumane.

And yes, moving classrooms. I have no energy to do it, and it just sucks.

I'm going to curl up into a ball and sleep.

Btw, Mr. JB and I have decided to do PRIDE training in October. It's a BIG step in our adoption journey.

We're definitely leaning towards adopting through the Child.ren's A.id Soci.ety. We really can't afford international adoption at this point and after a thought-provoking e-mail from a local buddy (yes, that's you CS!) the decision just feels right. Hopefully one day we can find one of our children in Asia, but after all of the pondering and worrying this decision feels right.

And just a little bit more to be anxious about...

I wish I could say that my appointment with my Napro doctor made everything better.

My anxiety levels were already pretty high and one of the nurses called last week to say that Dr. T wanted to discuss some test results (I thought that it had to do with my cloudy urine, but it wasn't).

So aside from stellar hormones, great CM, a nice, long luteal phase, my FSH is high. The last time it was checked it was 15 and now it's 16. She seemed pretty concerned since EVERYTHING is going right.

I didn't have a problem with FSH before my surgeries in Omaha, so this new development has me so worried. She wants me to have my AMH checked (to see what my ovarian reserve is) and I have to take a couple of cycles off of Clo.mid. 

I am trying to keep myself calm, but I just feel like this is just too much. It took all I could to not break down in my doctor's office.

So, I'm going to try acupuncture -- I am so lucky that Mr. JB's bf is a chiropractor that does acupunture! -- and I'm going to see Dr. Nora.

Dr. T said that she has had patients conceive with FSH as high as 20, it's rare, but it is possible.

I really don't know how much more I can take of this IF business. It is just too much.

p.s. Dr. T wants to reduce my T3 to 7.5mgs twice a day. I really hope it takes the edge off. She asked me if I wanted to take anti-anxiety medication, but I wasn't interested. I picked up some B.ach Resc.ue Re.medy, so hopefully it takes the edge off.

My Racing Heart

I wish I could say that my anxiety has gotten better.

But it hasn't.

I thought that my anxiety was more situational, but as it persists, I'm starting to think otherwise.

When I was in university this anxiety was paralyzing. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't function. I have too many responsibilities to be bedridden.

Today we have the day off to write report cards. I got quite a bit of work done yesterday, but I have a bunch of marking to get to. I couldn't get out of bed until 10am. Every time I woke up my heart was racing, so I just went back to sleep. Not the best coping mechanism, but I didn't know what else to do.

I hate this feeling.

I see my Napro doctor at 2:45pm. I really hope that she has an explanation.

Anxious JellyBelly

I usually come off as a pretty confident person. I'm an extrovert, I enjoy public speaking and (I believe) that I'm pretty likeable.

Unfortunately, I have had to deal with horrible panic attacks since early adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, therapy, medications and now having a stable thyroid helps, but I'm having a really bad morning

It's tough when I have to deal with my crazy class when I'm feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack. I've been trying deep breathing techniques and just staying busy, but I can't shake t.

The worst part is that Mr JB is going away for the weekend and I dread being home alone while I'm feeling like this. I don't want to ask him to stay, but I feel so out of control.

The thing that set me off this morning was getting more news about Mr F. Apparently the cancer is in his bone marrow and he's only working half days. He will be at the mass said for him tomorrow night so I will be able to talk to him myself, but as soon as I heard I almost fell apart.

Please say a prayer that this anxiety passes. Feeling like this is the worst!

St. Peregrine, pray for us!

I need my prayer warriors. Badly.

The beloved chaplain of my high school is very ill. I found out from a friend on FB that he has cancer. I don't have the entire story -- some say that it's terminal, others say that he's still at work planning the 40th anniversary of his current school, regardless, he is sick.

I believe that Mr. F is a saint on earth.  I have never met anyone so giving, loving and kind. I don't think that I have ever heard him raise his voice, nor utter an unkind word. He exemplifies Christ's love in all that he does.

I was in the first graduating class of my high school and Mr. F started in his position when we started grade nine. He showed me (and many of my classmates) the value of service and faith. He held our hands while we cried through our teenage problems. He counseled us through so many crises. When my grandmother had an aneurysm when I was in grade eleven, he prayed the rosary with me.

I kept in touch with Mr. F well beyond high school. When I applied for my teaching position I asked him to be a reference, which he happily agreed to do. When I was unhappy at my former school he tried to help me get a job at his high school (which didn't work out, thank God, I am not meant to be a secondary teacher!).

On the FB page that has been started in his honour I have read countless posts about how he touched the lives of so many students. There will be a mass said for him on Friday evening and he is going to try to be there.

Please pray for Mr. F, his wife and his son and daughter. I cannot imagine what they are going through right now.

Heaven has enough angels.

St. Peregrine, pray for Mr. F!

Retail Therapy

So on CD2 I decided that I needed a trip to my favourite vegan, gluten-free bakery to get some treats.

Unfortunately for my wallet, it wasn't enough.

So I convinced Mr JB that we had to take the plunge.

I've been toying with the idea of a new vacuum for months, but I couldn't justify the price. I got him to the store and the salesman was VERY convincing. He sold us last year's model and we got an accessory kit for free.  Mr. JB couldn't say no!

So meet the newest member of the JellyBelly family (I used the Vita.mix today so he didn't feel left out). We named him Merv after the sales guy.

We've vacuumed the entire house and I can't believe how dirty it was!

It doesn't make AF any better, but the distraction is welcome!

I really hate it...

...that these license plates are always correct.

[sigh]

For the record I hate you AF.

You suck.

Big, fat donkey balls.