3 October 2008

I really don't like being barren

I've been laying low since the start of the school year for many reasons.

1) I've been so exhausted from chasing after 23 grade one students that I can barely see straight, let alone write blog posts.

2) I've been busy planning and adapting English worksheets for my class in the evenings.

3) I thought that perhaps just this once, I may have gotten pregnant.

For the first time since we started going to the Marguerite Bourgeoys Family Centre my body has finally stopped doing all the things that it wasn't supposed to. Since starting my HCG shots in August (which I bravely administered, despite my fear of needles), I had a normal seven day long period. I also didn't have any brown bleeding two months in a row. I ovulated on day 14 and had a luteal phase that lasted 14 days. We even made whoopy on the day that I ovulated.

I thought, naively, that we did all the right things.

Alas, yet again, I was wrong.

I was hoping that this month I would have good news to post. But yet again, I don't.

So all I have is the feel-me-sorries and an empty uterus. I'm not even happy that Mr. JB poured me a big glass of white wine.

I thought that I was used to the disappointment.

Apparently I'm not.

8 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm sorry! I know that feeling well, and I'll probably be right there with you tomorrow.

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  2. I totally really 100% get it hon. Sending you my love xxx

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  3. I don't know that we can ever get used to it. It blows all the way around.

    I am glad to hear that your body is doing what it is supposed to do and the shots are helping. Now, I just hope it will do what you want it to do.

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  4. It never gets any easier (sorry to be a downer - but it doesn't). But think of it this way, now your becoming normalized - so it's like you're only now really ttc..

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  5. I'm sorry.
    I can say that I know exactly how you feel ... you will post some good news soon, though, since it sounds like your cycles are very healthy!

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  6. I know I do not know you, but I know how you feel. My name is Maria, I'm 42, and a teacher too. I met my husband on a Catholic website. We were married on June 6th 2007. We have been trying to have a baby since we were married.

    I found out last February 2008 when I had surgery to remove two ovarian cysts that I had endometriosis. They told me I might be infertile. I was shocked! My previous doctor in my hometown told me that she thought I was very fertile and that I would be able to get pregnant easily. Wrong! I did complain to her that my periods were very painful. She told me to take three Aleve. Lovely!

    Anyways, I am now seeing a Napro tech doctor. He recommended me to lose some weight and exercise. I have managed to lose fourteen pounds so far. He prescribed LDN for me. Recently I had a series of hormone tests down and it was discovered I have low progesterone/a luteal phase insufficiency. Starting this cycle I will be taking progesterone.

    I know how you feel. You are not alone. I think I have tried everything, but every month my time of the month still comes. It is so disappointing and frustrating!

    Like you, I feel like I'm barren as a stone.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you (or anybody else here) would like to write, I'd love to hear from you.

    http://hailmaryfullofgrace-mt.blogspot.com/

    My email is: prayrosary4life@aol.com

    May God Bless you.
    Maria

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  7. The disappointment always smarts, especially when you can see and feel the progress and improving balance in your body. It's just so depressing, when your hope gets trounced, yet again. I think it will always feel this way, to some extent.

    But please, jbelly, don't be too hard on yourself: You are doing the right thing, but even when doing everything just right, your body isn't a machine. Even totally fertile folks don't always get knocked up the first cycle or two. You may need a few months, now that all's working as it should.

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  8. I'm so sorry that I wasn't "around" for this post. I wish I had been, to offer you some words of support... but I am super excited about your DA and the news that you got at it today :) I'm glad things are looking up again!

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