Green with envy, that is.
I was clearing off e-mails and I noticed a message from one of my friends from teachers' college. She's pregnant with her third baby.
Argh.
I'm really happy for her, but after getting my period on Friday I have a serious case of the feel-me-sorries. I spent most of Saturday crying and in a total funk. Shoe shopping didn't even cheer me up!
Which brings me to another thing to rant about: it's really difficult to find cute and comfortable shoes that don't look like old lady orthopedic shoes! When I was teaching older students I could wear whatever shoes I wanted -- heels, pointy shoes, wedges, boots, you name it. Now that I'm teaching little kids and I never sit down I apparently have to ditch being fashionable.
Speaking of fashion, I've also found it really difficult to find work-appropriate clothing! Are there no clothes for thirty-somethings out there? All of the clothes that I saw at the mall were either too young or too old for me. I could either choose to wear trends that would look totally ridiculous on me, or buy clothes that my mother would wear. It looks like yet another fall of black and gray turtleneck sweaters for me!
Mr. JB and I took the day off today for an appointment with our NaproTechnology doctor and we also snuck in a visit to our Creighton Model practioner as well. Both of them reassured me that things look good and that I was being too hard on myself for not getting pregnant this cycle. I also had a lower than normal mucus score this past month which we're figuring is due to the stress of starting school again. I also forgot that it's going to take a couple of cycles with the HCG as well as the Low Dose Naltrexone to normalize all of my hormone levels. The good news is that this month was the first in years that I didn't have any brown bleeding at the start of my cycle. Yay!
Our doctor recommended that we continue with the HCG for two more cycles before we start on Clomid -- that is, if I don't get knocked up beforehand. She even gave me a requisition for Peak +17 bloodwork! I almost laughed since at this point I can't even imagine getting pregnant, but she's pretty confident that it's going to happen for us sometime. She also thinks that if we don't get pregnant in five to six cycles that she's going to recommend that I get a Laparoscopy, but we're going to wait to cross that bridge when we get to it.
So thanks to Duck and Shinejil who reminded me that it's like we're finally TTC for real now and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
Now I'm going to continue my search for cheap and interesting March Break vacations. It's a great way to get my mind off of being barren. Any tips out there fellow bloggers?
Cuba is pretty cheap, and there is lots to do if you don't want to spend it only on the beach. There are lots of tours and Havana is very interesting. I've also heard the Dominican Republic isn't too bad. My only recommendation on both suggestions is go for at least a 3 1/2 star hotel/resort. It makes a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteOh this is amazing!!! What a good, reassuring DA you had! (All You Who Hope just had a very similar experience! A good day all around!)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you, and will be praying extra hard that your fertility is completely restored and nothing will stand in your way of a healthy pregnancy :)
I totally understand feeling down. Sometimes it's just so hard to see ourselves objectively! (fertility wise)
ReplyDeleteI can't wait until you get that BFP! I bet it is going to be a lot sooner than you think!
The fertiles can really put a damper on the mood, especially when they just keep reproducing with such ease.
ReplyDeleteCute, comfy shoes? If you find any, let me know. I am currently sporting a pair of ballet flats that I got for $9 at a Boxing Day blowout.
Hmmmm, maybe we could meet one night and go shoe shopping! That could be fun.
So glad your care providers are encouraging. Now that you're at the roulette wheel, so to speak, it's all about luck. I hope you get your wish very soon!
ReplyDeleteAs far as vacations are concerned, you don't want this cold-loving gal's advice in that department.:)
SO let's talk shoes, campers, can be cute and comfy, but, a little pricey.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to feel so down after every failed cycle, but, I'm hopeful for you.
Winners is my thing. Somehow, I get the best stuff there.
ReplyDeleteAbout clomid? My Doc refuses to use it because it can poison the system, and causes all sorts of problems with mucus.
So, ask about femara. No mucus side effects, and it is a pill, same as clomid. But it has a higher succcess rate.
Take care hon.
Oooh, Cuba! You lucky Canadians :)
ReplyDeleteAs for shoes, I'm verrrry picky about comfort. And cuteness. Lately, my big favorites seem to be Keen (very colorful and fun mary janes and dressy sneakers), Merrell (great boots and casual shoes) and Born shoes (awesome everything). Danskos are always a solid option. Pricey, but they last an enternity.
The clothes thing is pretty funny, too. I always wonder what gals our age are supposed to do. Recently, I saw the Boden catalog which looked like a nice compromise between young/but not too "mom pants"-ish. Yet kinda pricey. I also love everything Anthropolgie has, but again crazy-crazy rip-off. Let us know if you find anything good!
Sending lots of fertile wishes your way. At this point, I think I am so jealous of people with babies that I am permanently green. But it does go well with my new shoes...
Your blog entry reminds me of the envy I feel every time my old high school buddies are in town for a get together... and they all have their kids... and I'm the only one sitting there with nothing to talk about because all they talk about are their kids... arrrggg. I had to endure one of these reunions this weekend and we all sat down for a group picture... everyone holding their child/children... except me. The oddball. Again I say: Arrrrrg! I'll hang in there if you do!
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