21 March 2008

Holding Hope

So I survived my crazy week. Thank God.

And now I'm hiding our in my father-in-law's basement, trying to avoid reality.

I love hanging out at Mr. JB's dad's house. Being the dad of two sons (the younger one being a Jesuit priest), finally having a girl around really seems to amuse him. I think of my FIL's house as my country house (all the comforts of home, but in quieter setting) and it's so great to be around family that isn't so crazy.

Unfortunately, when we arrived this afternoon we got the sad and surprising news that our very good friends, J and S, have separated.

Mr. JB is from a very small town. I believe that the population tops up at around 3000 people, something that absolutely fascinates me. The village was primarily a farming community, and has evolved, in the past couple decades, to a bedroom community for Niagara Falls and St. Catharines. It's a great little place to visit, but I don't think that I could live here permanently (no yoga studios or Starbucks anywhere close!).

Our friends, J and S have been intertwined with the lives of Mr. JB's family forever. S's family have been friends with my FIL's family for over sixty years. My FIL was principal at J's elementary school. J's little sister is my brother-in-law's best friend. It was sheer coincidence that they chose the neighbouring lot when they decided to built their dream home.

From what I can surmise (and overhear as I'm hunkered down in the basement), J and S have been having marital problems for quite a while. Two out of their three young children have diabetes. S's business is struggling and J is a stay-at-home mom that feels trapped in her life. They are also having serious money issues. J's supposedly sought out the consolation of one of S's employees (via e-mail, nothing physical). At different times today, both of them ended up on my FIL's doorstep seeking advice and consolation.

There is a big part of me that feels so incredibly selfish that I've been so wrapped up in my own IF world (as well as being extraordinarily busy at school) that I haven't noticed the fact that my good friends were having so much difficulty. Over the March Break J and I corresponded briefly via Facebook, but since she was at Disney with her family and I had a bad internet connection, I never thought that anything was up.

This week I had a group of girls in my class come to me to help them solve an issue they were having with a classmate. In listening to their sides of the story I could hear the frustration that they had with one particular girl. After our first discussion one of the girls said to me, "Madame, I really don't think that she's telling you the whole truth." To which I responded, "Sweetheart, I wish I could make her tell you the truth, but the reality is that she's the only one that can do that." I also went on to give the girls the advice that sometimes we're not meant to be friends with everyone that we meet.

Which perhaps I can stretch to cover, perhaps we're not meant to stay married to the person that we married. Or even further, perhaps we should stop wailing at the universe and stop trying for something that is so difficult.

I don't know what the answer is for J and S (although something tells me that their separation is only going to be temporary). Nor do I know if the girls in my class will be able to put aside their differences and just decide not to be friends anymore. And most of all, I don't know how I'm finally going to have my baby. I just know that I have to hold onto the hope that I will. For dear life, it seems. 


  1. There's no need for you to abandon hope yet. For your friends and your students, the writing may already be on the wall. But unfortunately (or fortunately?), nothing is clear for you yet. It's such a tough place to be, JB!

  2. Marriage is a very very tough road to hoe. I've had lots of moments like this with my husband, but I've always held onto the idea that we had to work it our somehow.

    And so we have. Maybe your friends will to. You know I believe that there is always hope, right? Always.

  3. if i didn't have hope i would've lost my mind a long time ago. :)

  4. I hear you, I'm holding on for dear life too!

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friends, I really hope they can work it out and that they split is only temporary.