New Year's Eve

For every teacher the night before the first day of school must feel like New Year's Eve. 

I'm feeling remarkably relaxed. 

I went to yoga at noon. 

Had a tasty lunch of leftover duck confit. 

Watched a couple of Harry Potter movies (Mr JB read the entire series this summer!). 

And now that I'm ready for the morning I'm feeling a bit of denial that my two glorious months off are done. 

I don't know what to expect this year. I know that it won't be as wonderful as my class last year. I know that I have challenges with parents and a couple of kids. 

I'm one sleep away from starting my eleventh in a classroom. 

Amazing. Just amazing.

p.s. Thank you so much for all of your prayers for my kitty cat. My crazy mother is going to call the vet in a couple of weeks to have her assessed. I reminded her that putting her down may not be the option that we're given, and she seemed to listen, but I never know with her. 

p.p.s. The above photo was taken on my way home from my yoga studio. There's a school bus depot close by and all the busses seemed to be parked on the street! 

In need of St Francis

So, I have a cat. 

A very fat cat. 

She lives with my parents because Mr JB is deathly allergic. 

This afternoon Mr JB and his brother visited my parents and apparently my 15 year old kitty cat isn't doing so well.

My mom wants to put her down. 

Part of me doesn't feel like I have too much say since they have taken care of her since I moved into our house before our wedding. 

And another part of me wants to take her to every vet in the city to get another opinion. 

I had no idea that this was coming. 

She's my first baby. She was my lone companion when I moved out of my parents' home. She lived with my roommates and me during grad school. I missed her more than my then-boyfriend when I moved to France.

Please pray for my kitty cat and for my parents so that they can make a good decision. 

I'm so very, very sad. 

Hope in the confessional

So, Mr JB I went to confession this morning -- not at our parish since we are both afraid to confess to both of our parish priests. Yes, we are both spazzes. 

I went first, as usual.

When I started to tell the priest about our IF and my struggle with God's plan for us and our family he reminded me not to be tempted by ART, which I reassured him that we weren't.

Then he mentioned the Napro centre that we go to in the city.

I got tears in my eyes when I told him that I had been operated on by Dr Hilgers.

Thank God for knowledgeable priests! It was the first time that I felt that a member of the clergy understood my IF heart. 

We'll definitely be back there for confession! 

I'm really enjoying August because....

I believe this with my whole heart. 

I'm not stressing about our contractor not being able to do the work we need before our home visit. 

I'm not freaking out about CD1. 

Everything will work out. 

I know it. 

What an IF soul needs

Can't think of a better place to count my blessings....

The JBs on the move

It's finally time for our trip south!!!

We'll be in Ormo.nd Bea.ch, FL. If any lovely bloggers are close by I'd love to meet up!

Please pray for an uneventful trip. We're driving to Charlo.tte, NC today!

Our Lady of Good Voyage, pray for us!

ps Happy Feast of St Anne and St Joachim. 

Why do I do this to myself?

I'm a go-getter.

Yes, I'm someone with a lot of ambition.

But it's the end of July and I have no more gas in the tank (and by the way, gas is REALLY expensive up here!).

I thought that taking a course online would alleviate stress and give me time to do other things. There are ten more days left in my class -- yes, including weekends, and I have nothing left to give.

You see, I'm taking this Religion course so I can eventually take the principal qualification courses. Mr. JB and I have discussed it. He's perfectly happy staying in the classroom until he retires, and I want to move up into administration so I can bring about much needed change.

It will also help when we retire since a principal's pension is more money than a teacher's pension.

I was all prepared and excited about the course. The first couple of weeks were even exciting and interesting.

Now I have three assignments to do tonight and I'm cracking under the pressure. I've been procrastinating all day and I just have no desire to do it. Unfortunately, most of my work is for a group project so I can't just flake out.

I'm so type-A that I wouldn't and couldn't flake out.

So please say a prayer that I can get through this. We leave for our vacation on Friday and I really just need to get to Wednesday so I can breathe again.

[sigh]

Eight

It is our eighth anniversary today. 

Usually this day fills me with dread because of all we don't have. 

If you asked me eight years ago what I pictured for us on this day, it wouldn't be childlessness. It wouldn't be the ability to sleep in. Or quiet. 

But there's peace today. 

Perhaps it's the home study being almost done -- come on contractor dude, come to my house and fix it so our social worker can see how safe it is! 

Or because I'm doing a fairly demanding Religious Ed course. 

Or because I have a summer cold. 

Regardless of the reason, I have peace. 

Taking a TTC break is good for the soul. 

And lessens stress. 

What I am going to focus on is how blessed I am to have such a wonderful, patient husband. IF has brought us together, not the other way around. 

I am so curious to see what The Lord has in store for us this year.....

What does it say about me?

What does it say about me that I lied to my crazy mother about being busy this afternoon so I could miss my cousin's baby mama's shower.

And I don't even feel guilty.

I feel angry. 

And jealous. 

But not guilty. 

Instead, I will work on my coursework and then go to the movies. 

Lord, one day this will all make sense. Right? 

p.s. I'm going to have popcorn at the movies even though it's in my "can't eat before taking T3" window. Yup, I am such a rebel.

p.p.s. I went back to my old dose of T3 (7.5mg, twice a day) and the anxiety has stopped. I'm so glad since the taking my temperature four times a day got old very quickly. Stupid thyroid. 

Anxious JellyBelly

Yes, one would think that being a teacher on vacation would mean the absence of anxiety.

Nope.

Not me.

Btw, the last day of school was one of the hardest days of my career. I loved my class so much and I will cherish the experience for the rest of my days in the classroom. God brought me a wonderful class to heal my heart -- but I think that deserves a whole blog post on it's own.

It also doesn't help that the family drama that my crazy mother has been mired in has added stress to me -- not that she knows it or will do anything to fix the situation. My mother's selfishness knows no bounds. I'm her daughter, I've known that my entire life. Please pray for healing for her and her siblings. I'm growing weary of family in-fighting.

I know that I need to make a to-do list and knock out the tasks one by one.

Homestudy paperwork -- both of our medicals are now done. YAY!!!!

Get contractor into our house so we can have our home visit -- why are schedules so hard to co-ordinate?

Get police checks and finger printed.

Get reference letters out.

Fill in the last of the paperwork.

And yes, do my online Religion course -- which is WAY more work than my in-person class last summer. Hmmm, it was supposed to be the other way around. Why am I doing this again?

Have I mentioned that my Napro doc had me raise my T3. I'm sure that it isn't helping the anxiety levels.

Please say a prayer. Or two.