Wallowing in self-pity

My week went from bad to worse. 

Although we are happy with who will be fixing Mr JB's car, it looks like it's going to take a week AND it's going to cost closer to $2000. 

Ouch. 

On the bright side, the mechanic gave us a loaner so we don't have to pay for a rental car. 

I also had an extra difficult week with my class.  The weather has gotten warmer and their behaviour (something I have worked so hard on with them!) has gotten worse AND I was so frustrated because half the class was not grasping the math concepts we are learning. 

On Thursday afternoon one of my students knocked over a paper organizer (one of those three tiered metal things) on my desk and then flat out denied that he has anything to do with it. By that point in the day I was so frustrated that I almost started to cry. The one thing that saved me was one of my little firecrackers got up and said loudly and firmly (with a lot of attitude), "No, I saw you knock it over! Now go clean it up!" By the time the dismissal bell rang, I was able to have a calm talk with the little guy. I asked him why I was upset and he knew that it was because he lied, not because he knocked the thing down. 

Taking ownership over our actions is not a strong suit for my students. 

To top off my long and frustrating week (and it was only a four day week because of Victoria Day on Monday!), I ended up in the ER after school. 

I have been battling a nasty cold all week and my cough had gotten so bad that it was affecting my breathing. I called my GP at lunch, but the office closed at 1. By the end of the school day I knew that the asthma meds I had on hand weren't going to do the trick. Lucky for me, I was seen right away and I was given three breathing treatments back to back. By the second treatment I felt relief.  The doctor (who was wearing a Batman belt and really cool glasses) sent me for a chest X-ray, just to make sure and it came out all clear. 

I'm still feeling crummy and woosy from the medication they gave me last night, but my breathing is so much better. 

And the cherry on top of my craptastic week: Yesterday was CD1. 

Yes, even when one has moved on to being pg on paper, it still sucks big, fat donkey balls. 

We were invited to a wedding today, so I have to buck up and feel better by 2pm. Apparently we're sitting with a colleague of Mr JB's (who has successfully done IVF twice) -- yes friends, she is also a Catholic teacher.  I'm almost thankful that I feel sick so we won't have to stay late and make small talk. I wish I could stay home and watch movies and drink tea with my heating pad on my belly! 

I guess I'm going to have plenty to offer up.....

Reality Check

First off, thank you all so much for your kind words and comments on my last post. I am trying to stay calm, but there isn't enough yoga, prayer, or running a girl can do to keep all anxiety at bay -- part of me is almost grateful for my high needs, poorly behaved, crazy class. At least I have some distractions during the school day!

So last week, I got my tax return.

I really need a new countertop.

Let me re-phrase that: I really want a new countertop.

We do have some damage under the faucet from a now-repaired leak, but it'll hold for a while longer.

I got a very good tax return that would pay for the replacement of the ugly laminate that I've been looking at for nine years.

But, now Mr. JB's (relatively) new car needs a new clutch.

Yes, a 2010 vehicle, bought new, needs a major repair that is not covered by warranty.

And guess how much it's going to cost.

Yup, every penny of my tax return.

No, new countertop for me.

I wanted to cry from disappointment.

But as my dad said to me when I told him about the car problems, "It's all a part of life. At least you have a job so you don't have to worry about paying for the work to be done."

Which brings me to yet another prayer request: We have a wonderful woman that does lunchtime supervision at my school.  I taught her middle child in the first and second grade, and I hope to teach her youngest in a couple of years.  She is one of the kindest people I have ever met.  She came to school today in tears because her husband was given a year to live. He has pancreatic cancer and is the main breadwinner for the family.  Their eldest just did his Confirmation and starts high school in the fall and the youngest is only five. I cannot imagine the grief she is going through.  Please storm heaven for them, I will be approaching my principal about doing something for them as a school community, but she needs prayers now.

My lack of new countertop seems really unimportant now.

It's Official

We are official pg on paper. 

So the, (hopefully not long) wait begins. 

Mr JB surprised me with these to celebrate:

This is a direct quote, "Now that you're technical pg, I thought I'd get you flowers." 

God truly sent me a good egg. 

Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for us! 

I survived

Today was my ninth Mother's Day. 

My ninth as an infertile woman. 

I'm almost thankful that it was also my school's First Communion because I was able to focus on something else besides my sorry self. 

It was all good until the priest made the mothers in the congregation stand up. I was thankful for the fidgety kid that couldn't pay attention for the life of him. 

But this year was a bit different.

We're waiting for our homestudy to be approved. All of our paperwork has been submitted and we have to wait to be paired with a social worker with C.AS. 

I'm essentially pg on paper. 

And my crazy mother was a little less crazy today. She felt sorry for me for having to work on a Sunday, so she made us dinner. After we ate we took her out for ice cream. 

Oh, how I wish she could always be less crazy. 

I have prayed this for almost ten years, but I really hope that this is my last childless Mother's Day. I think I've spent enough time in barren purgatory. 

Thank God for margaritas and vegan, gluten-free cupcakes! 

Running for my life

Well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but I am running my first 5K this Sunday (don't worry, I'm going to mass Saturday night. I need all the prayers I can muster!).

Originally I was supposed to run 10K, but I was plagued with illness after illness and my training went down the tubes.

I'm petrified. It's one thing to run on a treadmill or on my own outside (not that there's been much of that since it's so cold or rainy or cold and rainy up here), but in a crowd of many experienced runners? Eeeek!

Running has been a saving grace for me this past year. I started a year ago, and I didn't think it would be possible to run a kilometre, let alone five without dying.

I'm offering up this race for all of you still slogging it out in the TTC world, as well as for all of us that are waiting to be matched in adoptions.

So, if you're so inclined at about 9:30am (EST) please say a quick prayer that I can make it to the finish line!

Is there a patron saint for running????