28 December 2010

It wouldn't be Christmas without any drama....

Mr. JB and I are celebrating our annual "Wear PJ's all day and do nothing" day. Since we got married we always designate one day from our Christmas vacation to just being lazy since we are always so busy over the holidays.

My eyes are doing much better, but the later the day gets, the blurrier my vision is. I haven't used any moisturizing drops today which is a big improvement. We have a humidifier going so our house air isn't dry, which is a help. I've noticed that at my fertile bf's house my eyes are much drier since they don't have a humidifier. It doesn't help that it's been so cold up here and the furnace is running all the time. Judging from my recovery since the 20th, I'll be in teaching condition come the 3rd.

So we've had a bit of drama here at the JellyBelly household.

On Christmas Day we headed over to my aunt and uncle's house. Mr. JB's brother is in Italy so he brought his dad with us. It was great to not have to divide our time between two locations and I also woke up in my own bed (last year was the first time I got to wake up in my own bed on Christmas morning!).

I'm the eldest girl granddaughter on my mom's side and I have a really close relationship with my cousins, particularly the other girls. My youngest cousin K, was playing with our cousin NR's i.Touch while we were hanging out after opening our gifts. K loves to play with my i.Phone (I don't believe that she's allowed to have her own cell phone) and she found NR's "notes." K has written me notes on my phone a few times just to play around (she's 13, what can you expect?). She opened up a note that NR wrote called "Sh*t I have to buy." She thought that it was funny until she read the list.

The list started with a bunch of normal stuff like deodorant and batteries. When K got to the last list item, she showed me the i.Touch.

NR had condoms as her last item.

I started to interrogate K when she showed the list to me. At first I was convinced that she had written it herself and was showing me to get a rise out of me. I asked K to look at me in the eye and I knew that she had nothing to do with it. NR had written it herself.

Ouch.

We whispered to the other female cousin, V, who is in her early 20's about the note. She was as shocked as we were. V and NR spend quite a bit of time together so I asked her to talk to her about what we saw. There is no way that I can talk to her without losing my mind. I'm also so much older that she sees me in the same light as her mom and our other aunts. I think that coming from her cooler cousin that the interrogation will be taken better.

V and I were texting back and forth today and she said that she already has a plan in place and that she will definitely talk to NR on New Year's Eve. NR is only 15 and I worry so much that she is sexually active. She's been having problems in school and she is a bit overweight. I gave her a tough time in the fall because she wasn't asking me for help with school. She almost failed grade nine geography and didn't ask either Mr. JB or myself to help her out. Her parents are also living way above their means and they aren't home because they're always working.

Could you please say a prayer for NR if you get the chance? I really hope that she isn't doing that she shouldn't be. I wasn't interested in sex at all at 15, but my parents watched me like a hawk and I had very strict rules to follow. My aunt and uncle are very easy-going parents and I'm so worried that they are going to be grandparents sooner, rather than later.

On to drama number two.

So Mr. JB's dad stayed with us for a few days, like I mentioned earlier. He went home yesterday morning because there was a birthday party that he was going to attend. We had a function at our parish that we help out at, so we stayed in town. This morning there was a message on our voice mail from Mr. JB's dad so Mr. JB called him back.

What happened afterward came totally out of left field.

Mr. JB's dad said that he was really upset because we weren't thankful enough for our Christmas presents. He gave a cheque to go towards a new washer and dryer (my parents contributed as well). Mr. JB opened up the card and I know that we both said thank you, but perhaps it got lost in the shuffle of opening up all of our gifts. We have noticed this Mr. JB's dad has had issues with hearing in the past year and we've both been urging him to get it checked.

Then my FIL starting accusing us of forgetting to send Mr. JB's brother a card for Christmas -- which we didn't do, but it was just an oversight on our part. We spoke to my BIL via S.kype on Christmas Eve, Christmas and Boxing Day and it wasn't even mentioned. He did send us little gifts, but when he's away we do not normally send gifts. I know that cards are a big deal for Mr. JB's family (it isn't in mine) so I know that his feelings were hurt.

My Mr. JB is very generous to his brother and I do have to say that I was shocked that it was even mentioned.

We both figured that my FIL was being nit-picky and that the stress of having his girlfriend so sick (she was put in a home almost a year ago) and a few close family friends passing away in the recent past, have taken a toll on him. He's lived alone for a long time, but he hasn't been without a companion in over 15 years. But we were wrong.

Mr. JB sent a long e-mail to his brother, who is currently vacationing in Venice, and the response we got was even more shocking.

My BIL wrote at length about how hurt he was about not receiving a Christmas card. Then he went on say that he was worried about the state of our marriage. He said that Mr. JB was doing most of the work and that I was making all of the decisions. He said that that he was worried about the future of our marriage and that we both had to do an examination of consciousness -- since we flit about like chickens without heads (we're busy people, both with full-time jobs and many volunteer commitments, sue us).

Whoa.

Mr. JB and are just shocked. Fine be hurt about the card, but the last thing he needs to worry about is our marriage. I do admit that Mr. JB does most of the cooking, but that's because he comes home earlier than I do. He is also very territorial about "his" kitchen. With my new grade change and the other commitments I have outside of the home, Mr. JB does do more of the day to day stuff around our house, and I do finances and that kind of stuff.

Our IF has brought us closer together and we talk about EVERYTHING. There isn't an issue that I can think of that we don't discuss -- which I'm sure is true for so many of you our there. Mr. JB and I are the type that don't have a censor. What comes to mind, comes out of our mouths. It's one of the biggest reasons why our marriage is so strong.

It really bothers me when I'm accused of "hen-pecking" my husband, something which he thoroughly disagrees with. Mr. JB doesn't like to make big decisions and I do. We do talk about the state of affairs on a constant basis, but Mr. JB does not like paying bills or thinking about our investments.

I hate seeing Mr. JB so upset. He doesn't deal well with strife, particularly with his brother. His stomach has been upset and he's been withdrawn all day. I'm used to dealing with the dramatics of my family, particularly my parents. I can brush off altercations with my parents, just because I have more practice -- ha ha.

I'm thinking that Mr. JB and I are the victims of two people that spend too much time alone with their thoughts. I hope and pray that this is something that is worked out soon because I can't stand the drama!

I hope that all of you are having a great fourth day of Christmas -- hopefully drama free!

20 comments:

  1. Oh JB - that is awful - I am sorry for the drama with your family! I too think it might just be the stress that is getting to everyone. Is this the brother that is a priest that wrote to Mr JB, or is it another brother?

    Hey, Christmas isn't over yet - don't they know you have until Epiphany to send him a card! ;) (Hugs) Prayers coming for you.

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  2. Wow..that brother has a lot of nerve. I would be upset as well. I wonder what brought that up. Doesn't every couple contribute in their own ways to household duties...sometimes is 50/50 and sometimes is 40/60...as long as the couple is okay with it then everyone else should be too. Right? Maybe he's just trying to stir the pot.

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  3. What the heck is going on? Isn't this the brother that is suppose to be a priest? I REALLY REALLY REALLY hope not because, and I am NOT religious, but if he is religious why would he give a crap about a damn card, isn't it suppose to be all about Jesus's birth? My husband who knows NOTHING about jesus even knows that.

    And, I hope you don't find offence but I get REALLY REALLY REALLY angry when people are mean to my friends.
    really.angry.

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  4. I notice that there are months when my DH does ALL the housework and months when I do ALL of it (or so it appears to me - because I am prone to feeling both tired and guilty, so it always looks more one-sided to me than it is). I have frequently been accused of henpecking my DH because, frankly, I really am a shrew (and I can tell that you aren't). HOWEVER, I can be as bossy as I want to - my husband is no doormat and there are strict limits to how much crap he will take from me. Ultimately, you only rule the roost if your husband lets you. Bet yours doesn't - I know mine doesn't. And frankly, I can see someone commenting to another person that he or she should alter some character flaw, which might have a positive effect on his or her marriage - but to tell someone else that he (or she) has a bad marriage is UNBELIEVABLY presumptuous. Unless you're a priest or a therapist whom the couple has specifically sought out and confided in, you really don't know what you're talking about. I'm stunned that anyone would make such a bizarre statement. With the cards - I get that the little things (cards or birthdays or whatever) are big things in some families and not big things in others. But insofar as that means they ACTUALLY matter to people, then that would be a situation where you'd get a call the next day, "Hey, I know I shouldn't bring this up, I feel silly, but it hurt my feelings that..." If it's nursed as a grudge, then I stop believing that it's "really important" to someone and his feelings are hurt. Now, instead, we're talking about someone who wants to pick a fight and is looking for an excuse. That's not what Christmas is for. And I honestly think apologizing to people like that encourages them - you can tell them you're sorry for the oversight, but they know perfectly well it's a small oversight and unintentional, and what they're doing in response is absolutely intentional, not small, and not acceptable.

    I generally don't follow my own brilliant inspirations with respect to my own family (or rarely, anyway), but this passive-aggressive crap is seriously aggravating. And from a grown man?!

    Anyway, that's rotten and I'm really sorry. And I hope your eyes feel better soon!

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  5. Oh my goodness! This is fit for a soap opera! I'm so sorry!

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  6. Oh my gosh, are you kidding? That is ridiculous!!!! UGH!!!!!

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  7. Yikes on both stories! That is ridiculous about your BIL and FIL! I hate it when family members butt in thinking they know so much about your relationship!
    Glad your eyes are doing better!

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  8. Oh JB, I'm so sorry. I'm hoping that NR is not sexually active and that the condoms are for a joke... my sister bought condoms once to decorate a car and my father found the empty box and just about had a coronary... so I'm hoping that it's something like that but I will say a prayer.

    Re: your FIL and BIL... they must be related to me as I thought that kind of thing only happened in my family! I think you hit the nail on the head in saying that they are "two people that spend too much time alone with their thoughts." Hang in there, I'm praying for you!

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  9. Wow - I can't imagine getting so worked up about a Christmas card - and the rest, what a shame to have it influence Christmas. Family can be so complicated - I am glad that you and dh are on the same page, and I am hoping he is feeling better about the tumult soon.

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  10. Drama Indeed!
    re: condoms - maybe it is just a teenager thing to do (buy them to see what they're like or something), but good for her slightly older cousin to have a heart-to-heart, to boost her self-confidence to know she doesn't have to do that.
    re: family - woah! That is hurtful. Maybe Mr. JB should sit down with BIL and say "Thanks for your concern, but you don't really have a good picture of our marriage. This is not up for debate, but I know you intended well by trying to 'help'."

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  11. Wow, in laws they can be a pain in the ass..sorry for my brutal honesty here. Yeah, total over-reaction from them both. Let Mr. JB handle it with them on his own time and when this whole drama has subsided a bit.
    No one should be judging or commenting on your marriage because it is none of their buswax. YOu just keep doing what you are doing and remind yourself you have done nothing wrong because you love mR JB and he loves you and what ever you are both doing works for the both of you..end of story...it is your home and your marriage... and when MR. JB is ready to chat with you tell him you love him and that both of you need to be a strong united front with the in-laws.
    Maybe for the time being avoid seeing the in-laws for a while to let them think about what they said. You both have feelings too.
    I hope your new years will be much better! Go out just the two of you and no more family/friends stuff. Have a glass of champagne and a nice dinner out! Happy New Year!

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  12. Holy drama! I'm sorry. That BIL is something else.

    I don't get why kids think they need to have sex so early. I'll be praying for your cousin.

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  13. Geez, I hate it when people are so sensitive. I know I can get touchy about things, but I always try and cut my family some slack because I know that at the end of the day they love me and would never hurt me. And I don't see how being upset about not getting a card has anything to do with your marriage. He's not in your marriage - he can't have any idea how you two communicate or how you've decided as a couple to split the responsibilities of the household. I'm sure someone could look at US right now and criticize because I'm a sahw, but my husband would be the first to defend OUR decision.
    And wow, sorry about the young cousin having sex...that is a hard situation. Sounds like she might have some self-confidence issues :(.

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  14. Oh my gosh, JB, you are dealing with alot of this 4th day of Christmas.... I am so sorry your bil and fil are thinking you hen peck and aren't pulling your share of the weight around the house. That is completely ludicrus. HELLO??!! IT IS 2010 (ALMOST 2011) AND WE ARE WORKING WOMEN, NOT WONDER WOMEN!!

    I know typically women used to do ALL the housework, cleaning, laundry etc, but they also didn't work full time too. Ugh, I would be so upset...

    That is such sad news about your cousin. Being so young, she can't have any idea what she is getting herself into. We do need to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide her in the way of God, not of society. Bless her heart...

    I hope you 5th day of Christmas is better :)

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  15. Oh boy! Family drama is the worst, especially during the holidays. But that was a sucker punch to mention your marriage. Totally inappropriate. I pray that things will smooth over sooner than later!

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  16. All I can say I completely understand what you're going through and you are in my prayers.

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  17. Awe, sorry sweetie. I wasn't expecting that to be in the card either. I was kinda shocked to read that. That is going a bit overboard. You can always send a New Year's card:) haha. I know that is past the point, but just thought I would throw it out there. Sorry for this drama. Hang in there and take care of those eyes woman!

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  18. Sorry you guys are going through this-that situation with you BIL sounds waaaay off base! And I will pray for your cousin. 15 is so young!

    (Yes, I took a break from my fast for this...you are def worth it. ;) Let me know of prayer intentions!!)

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  19. omg! that is some drama.. well, I'm glad that your vision is getting better, and hopefully next year will be less drama!

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