...and God laughed

I can't remember which Catholic IF blog I read this quote, "I made plans, but then God laughed."

It's been stuck in my head ever since I read it! Before I continue, if I stole this from from you please let me know so I can give you credit!

I've had more than one instance in the past week where I know that the Lord is chuckling because of me, and don't worry, now that I have had some distance from the happenings of my life, I think it's pretty funny too.

So the little girl in my class has continued to make life interesting. The principal caught her giving the middle finger and calling kids a$$holes at recess. She was sent to the office and got quite the talking to. My boss is pretty scary when he's angry and the kid peed herself because she was so afraid. Lucky for me, the principal is taking care of the situation with the parents since her behaviours are now getting worse when she's outside of the classroom. It has been so long since I've had a student that was this disruptive and I'm a little out of practice. I feel so bad for the rest of my class because they try so hard to be good and want to learn and because of one student's actions their learning is being affected.

I definitely felt like I earned every penny of my salary last week!

On Friday afternoon Mr. JB got a call from his cousin -- yes, the one of the scandalous wedding -- and he was asked to be the baby's godfather. He was so touched that he got teary eyed on the phone. I have mixed feelings about it, but it's only because I am so incredibly jealous that they have a baby (it's the getting pregnant by accident that I can't get over, that and the fact that I have been infertile for longer than this couple has known one another). I know that the Lord has put this situation in our laps because I have to deal with this.

I'm thinking that I'm going to need therapy or a labotomy before the baptism in May.

[sigh]

I saw Dr. Nora last Monday and we had a great visit. She didn't have my bloodwork results from Dr. T (not a surprise since Dr. T's office is a bit crazy) so we ended up talking more about my feelings. I told her that I was having an exceptionally hard time with my IF as of late. I told her about my maid of honour  and she wants me to educate her about NFP and Napro (she was concerned about my MOH's IUD usage in the past). I have no idea how I'm going to broach the subject with her, but Dr. Nora thinks that I need to build bridges with people that are ignorant about family planning alternatives. I can't even let myself think about how to do this since I have pre-March Break brain fatigue.

Speaking about the March Break. We leave in less than a week. I can't wait to get on that plane! We went shopping on Friday night and I was a mess. I hate bathing suit shopping with a passion. I have some ridiculous body issues (it may have something to do with my mother calling me fat my entire life, I know that I'm not, but our brains do bad things to our perceptions) and I dreaded the trip to the mall all week. It was the first time since my surgeries that I was faced with the fact that I can't wear certain suits because of my scars. I was never a fan of the bikini (I don't walk around in my underwear, so why would I walk around in one????) and I own a few cute tankinis. I found some cute tops, but when I found the matching bottoms I couldn't get them because they were cut so low.

I hated being reminded of my IF at a time when I was already so upset.

I know that the fertility drugs have done a number on my body and also I am over 35 (ouch, typing that was a bit painful). I also don't work out like a maniac -- which I did in my 20's. There were a few dressing rooms where I wanted to cry. I wish that my weight gain was from being pg, and not from years of IF, but I guess that goes without saying.

Lastly, my body is being super weird. I think that I ovulated around Day 13 which is four days earlier than I usually do. I had almost no fertile CM (a day and a half of 10KL, usually I have four or five days, I have fantastic mucus scores and I have since my second surgery).  I will have this weirdness to blame for a bust cycle.

I can't believe that this time next week we will be somewhere nice and hot! We had a few mild days then we got a huge dumping of snow last night. I am so sick of the winter! I need this vacation to help preserve my sanity.

Only six more sleeps....