29 October 2009

Finding my namaste

First off, I apologize that I've been a bad blog commenter as of late. Between the infectious abscess and feeling like crap, my class has been totally koo-koo bananas because of Hallowe'en. Oh yeah, there's also the biggest reason:


Yup, it's back with a vengeance. I'm feeling completely irrational and I just want to strangle anyone and everyone. I'm bloated, all I want to eat is chocolate and I've been swearing like a sailor! It's been going on for almost four days and I'm ready for it to stop. I haven't been charting at all, but I'm almost certain that I'm going to get my period this weekend. Or at least, I really hope that I get it this weekend.

Please God. Please bring my period soon. If doesn't come in the near future there will be carnage.

Speaking of this weekend, I'm going on a yoga retreat! I'm so excited! My favourite teacher helped organize the weekend and I am looking forward to seeing all of the beautiful fall colours. The food is going to be all vegetarian and apparently it is absolutely delicious. One of the owners of the retreat centre has even published a cookbook! I need this weekend to clear my head. There's been so much going on for me health-wise that I need to get away and decompress.

I hope that I survive all of the Hallowe'en festivities at school tomorrow. We're having a dance-a-thon, free hot dogs for all of the students and then my teacher partner and I planned a whole day of activities. I really hope that the kids aren't too crazy tomorrow.

I won't have access to the internet for the weekend, so I'll see you all on Sunday!

27 October 2009

Cute story

Thank God for antibiotics! I am feeling so much better and the pain has already started to subside. Alleluia!!!!

So today I had my rosary group in my classroom because I had some kids who had to finish off some work. I had the rosary kids sitting in front of my rocking chair since it's the biggest space in my class to sit. As we were praying I noticed that the little boy that was sitting closest to the group was mouthing the prayers and he knew each and every one! I couldn't take my eyes off of him! I was pretty impressed that this tiny grade one boy knew the Apostle's Creed off by heart! Most of the kids in the club have to use the cheat sheet that I gave them and this little thing didn't even need it!

Gotta go, we just got a W.ii and Mr. JB wants to bowl. I can foresee many wasted nights around here!

26 October 2009

It isn't so bad, right?

That's what I thought as I left my Napro doctor's office.

When I made the appointment for the end of October I assumed that I would have more things to discuss with her, but since I haven't gotten my period yet all we talked about was my abscess.

Perhaps I should name it. Ideas anyone?

Anyhow, I told her what the ID doctor told me earlier in the day and she agrees with him and my surgeon that draining it would be a bad idea. Her eyes also went really big when she saw which antibiotics were prescribed for me. Did I mention that 42 days of antibiotics cost us $315.92? Praise Jesus for our drug plan! What would I do if we didn't have insurance coverage for all of the drugs I need? There must be a HUGE red flag on my file at H.ealth Ca.nada!

While I was talking to my doctor I made a comment about my hormones being all messed up and Dr. T said, "Well JellyBelly, your hormones weren't that bad. Now that your anatomy has been fixed, everything should work out." Or something to that effect. I've never heard anyone tell me that my ladyparts weren't anything but diseased and broken! Is it possible that things aren't that bad now that all of the endo has been removed? Dr. T also thinks that the abscess isn't going to have effect on my fertility since it is underneath all of my necessary babymaking parts. Phew!

So this is the plan of action once Aunt Flo finally shows up:

1) Get my day 3 FSH level checked.
2) Peak +7 blood work.
3) Progesterone vaginally from Peak +3 to Peak +12

We're not allowed to actually TTC until I'm off of the antibiotics. Dr. T said that there have been different studies that show that A.velox is safe during pregnancy and others that say it isn't. Since I seem to be a magnet for strange, out of the norm situations, I wouldn't want to chance it. Although I could do some of my own research and call M.other.isk to see what they think

Dr. T also said that when we are actively trying again that she would like to put me back on C.lomid or perhaps F.emara. I'm a little hesitant about going back on the C.lomid since it caused so much pain when I was on it. Now that the endo has all been removed perhaps I wouldn't have the same reaction as I did before, but the doctor assured me that it would a low dose of C.lomid for only three days.

So back to a holding pattern. My body needs to heal from this horrible abscess. The pain has been pretty bad today and I've been confined to the couch with a heating pad on my pelvis. I just hope that the antibiotics will work their magic ASAP. The ID doctor said that within a week I would start feeling normal.

I don't know how I'm going to deal with more waiting. You'd think that I'd be good at this by now!!!

p.s. I have been PMSing so badly today. Mr. JB asked me to stop yelling at him more than once today. He is 100% certain that my period is coming soon!

The Tale of the Persistent Abscess

We just got back from the infectious disease doctor. When I was in the hospital I felt a little strange having such a scary sounding doctor taking care of me.

I do not feel like that anymore.

Since my appointment with my surgeon last week I've been overcome with worry. I know that he has a completely different specialty than the doctor that I saw this morning, so his take on an abscess would be a little different. The pain and discomfort that I've been feeling has gotten progressively worse -- don't worry, the pain isn't as bad as it was when I was hospitalized, but I do have to take A.dvil or T.ylenol in order to function. The other thing is that I've had a low-grade fever off and on since last Wednesday. I feel sick in the morning and then the fever breaks and I can go on with my day.

Strange, I know.

We even did a little mini-vacation in the city with Mr. JB's high school friends. The girls went to the spa and then we went out for a really nice dinner (that I think we overpaid for since I didn't eat or drink as much as everyone else, I hate evenly splitting the bill!!). I didn't start to feel crummy until we left for home.

Right now I feel all achy and I have a heating pad on my pelvic area for some pain relief.


So the ID doctor has put me back on antibiotics for the next 42 days. What a bizarre number! Then he wants to see me after I see my surgeon. I asked about draining it, but he thought that it was too risky and since I responded so well to the meds the first time that it wasn't necessary. I'm glad that all of the doctors that are taking care of me are so thorough, but all of these appointments are driving me a little crazy!

I see my Napro doctor this afternoon. I'll update later when I get the low-down from her.

p.s. I've had a ton of CM the past couple of days. It's been 10CL (stretchy, cloudy). I think that AF is just around the corner!

22 October 2009

Wishful thinking

I am not abscess free, although it's smaller than it was when I was in the hospital.

I finished my antibiotics last Friday and ever since I've been feeling strangeness in my pelvis. I guess I should be relieved since all of the discomfort is because of the thing I'm growing in my posterior cul de sac.


So the ultrasound clinic that my surgeon sent me to was pretty high tech. I got to watch my internal u/s on a flat screen and I got to ask the technician all kinds of questions. As soon as she did the internal (I believe that the right term is trans-vaginal -- is that right TCIE?) I could see the abscess quite clearly. I could also feel it while she was probing me -- the discomfort was a clear sign that there is something amiss.

The abscess currently measures about 4.3 x 3 x 2 cm, it used to be 8 x 3 x 2 cm, which explains the decreased pain, but the persistent discomfort.

I was pretty worried by the time I got to my surgeon's office. Thankfully the wait wasn't too long and I had the results of the ultrasound in my hand (btw, they never received the cat scan results, WTF?). He's confident that the abscess is going to resolve itself and that a good bowel movement or intercourse is going to cause it to burst.

Can I tell you how happy Mr. JB is about the first solution????

I will have to see what the infectious disease doctor says on Monday. I am almost certain that he is going to want to drain it. I just don't understand how the stupid abscess has resisited a month-long course of VERY strong antibiotics and all of the activity in between.

I do feel pressure in my bum and I'm getting sharp, but quick pangs of pain. I really hope and pray that it doesn't get larger. I don't want to be re-admitted to the hospital and I definitely don't want IV antibiotics again!

I have another ultrasound and doctor's appointment booked for November 26th. I really hope that AF makes her appearance by then as well!

Btw, I don't know if it's all of the preventative measures that I've taken, but I haven't gotten a yeast infection since finishing my antibiotics. I guess all of the yogurt and acidophilis has worked!

p.s. I've been fever-free most of the day. My temperature was 37.13C this morning, but as soon as I got to school I broke out into a sweat and then I started to feel normal again. We have really fun plans this weekend so I really hope that the illness stays away!!!!

p.p.s. My incision hurts when it's about it rain. I now have a weather vane built into my body. Great.

21 October 2009

Uh oh

I'm running a bit of a fever.

I had a staff meeting after school and as soon as I got back to my classroom I started to feel crummy.

When I got home I took my temperature (it was about 37C) and then took a two hour nap. Mr. JB fed me some soup before I fell asleep.

When I woke up at 9pm I checked again and my temp was up to 38.13 (yes, I'm using a basal body thermometer, it's pink).

So I took some T.ylenol and I'm crossing my fingers. I have my ultrasound appointment tomorrow afternoon and then I see my surgeon right after. Let's hope that it's just a bug I picked up at school and nothing abscess-related.


I had the saddest thing happen today at school. After last recess all of the kids told me that one of the kids was with the principal.

Which is NEVER a good thing.

When he came back to the classroom I took him to the hallway to find out what happened. He started to cry and wasn't able to tell me what had happened. That's when the principal showed up.

Apparently he was caught making fun of one of the special needs kids who has Down syndrome. I know that the principal was laying it on thick to make the kid feel bad, so he told him that the student that he was making fun of was one of his best friends.

That's when I started to cry.

I was so disappointed. The kid that got in trouble is usually so well behaved and is so smart. I couldn't believe that he would take advantage of a child that can't defend herself.

I sent the kid back into the class and the rest of the kids saw that I was crying. I know that I tried to make the kid feel bad by saying how much my heart hurt. I wrote a note in his agenda and then at the end of the day I marched him out to talk to his mom.

And this is what his mother said to me:

"Mme JellyBelly he didn't know what he was doing. He's never seen children like that before."

I couldn't believe my ears.

Then I told her that making fun of anyone was also unacceptable and she still continued to defend her child's actions.

Thank God the principal was outside. I called him over and he told the mother exactly what happened. He also said that her son needed a good talking to and that we didn't make fun of special needs students, especially since we're a Catholic school.

I was even more livid that the mother condoned her son's behaviour.

I remember a time that when the teacher talked to a parent the kid was in the wrong, particularly when the principal backed what the teacher was saying. What an irresponsible parent!

I just hope that the kid doesn't do anything like that again, because if there's a next time I won't be crying, I'll be yelling.

p.s. Mr. JB found out that a colleague of his is pregnant, again. This time it wasn't on purpose. This couple got married a month after us and already have two little boys.

I wish I could have an accident like that. :(

19 October 2009

Giving In

Okay girls, it's officially fall.

I removed my toe nail polish.

What a sad, sad night.

I've been wearing socks for a few weeks now and since I wore a winter jacket (albeit a lighter one) all last week, I just couldn't justify looking at my chipped toe nail polish.

Mr. JB also brought up the humidifier. Yet another sign that we are preparing for winter.

I am so glad that we're going to Arizona for March Break. I think that it's going to be a pretty crummy winter around here, especially since we didn't have very summery weather. I think we only ran our a/c for three weeks in total.

I know that I'm complaining, but trust me, I love being Canadian. I love wearing layers and winter is my favourite season. It really is. I think that my biggest challenge is going to have to suffer through winter with short hair. I may have to wear TWO scarves to keep my neck warm!

Speaking of colds, mine seems to have abated quite a bit. I think that resting all day yesterday and taking every possible thing that I could for it helped. The kids noticed that my nose was stuffy, but most of them are sick right now so I fit right in.

My reading groups worked like clockwork today. I couldn't believe how quiet the class was while I was reading with my small groups. Only one kid put up her hand and when I asked a kid in her group to explain to her why I couldn't answer her question she went back to work. She's cute, but a total airhead!

No sign of AF. I have just a bit of CM, but nothing like I saw last week (when I had one day of clear, stretchy CM). I thought that my boobs were feeling tender, but that's stopped as well. I'm still having hot flashes and I'm craving chocolate like a FIEND!

I have an ultrasound on Thursday afternoon then I see my surgeon. I'm assuming that he's going to get the results sent directly to his office so he can tell me whether or not the abscess has resolved. Since finishing my antibiotics on Friday I've started feeling the same raw feeling when I urinate, although not every time I go to the bathroom and only when my bladder is really full. I have no idea what that means.

I've been feeling some pains in my stomach, but I think it's because I've been a little more adventurous with my eating as of late. I bought some gluten-free date squares on Saturday, but they weren't dairy-free. I wolfed one down in the car and it was so delicious. I forgot how good butter makes everything taste!!!

18 October 2009

Occupational Hazard

I'm sick.

Don't worry, I'm not in the "having to go to the hospital" sick. I have a cold and I think that I can pinpoint exactly when the virus entered my body.

I'm actually surprised that it took this long to catch cold!

I also think that it's pretty ironic that I finished my month-long course of antibiotics on Friday and I woke up with a sore throat on Saturday morning.


I've been taking every homeopathic remedy that I have in my house. Luckily enough I still have a whole bunch of stuff left over from the three-month long cold that I had last year.

So I'm going to slather myself in V.icks V.apo.R.ub and take some more vitamin C and hope that this cold passes quickly. I can't afford to take any more time off after my stint in the hospital AND I'm starting my guided reading groups tomorrow. Have I mentioned how smart my class is? I have four kids that are already reading at grade two level! One kid already reads chapter books! Woohoo!

Thank God that tissues were on sale at the drug store I have a feeling that I'm going to go through quite a few this week...

p.s. My fertile best friend is having a boy. They told us yesterday when they were over for dinner. For some reason I'm not insanely jealous. However, if they were having another girl I would be green with envy.

15 October 2009

Happy Birthday Mr. JB

So today Mr. JB turned 39. He's been super giddy all day and we just got home from dinner at our favourite place in the neighbourhood.

Although he knows about my blog, he's not allowed to read it. Regardless, I want to thank him for being such a great husband. He's remained positive and optimistic throughout the four years of non-babymaking. He's unselfishly taken care of me through my two surgeries. He's taken days off to tend to me. He doesn't complain when I go all crazy and frustrated.

I am a very lucky woman to have such a wonderful husband.

So, my darling, happy birthday. Enjoy those golf clubs (his dad and I went halfsies on them!) and I really hope that you become a daddy before you turn 40!

p.s. I think it's pretty ironic that I've been wishing for AF to show up when I've spent four years wishing for her not to show up!

14 October 2009


I saw 10KL (clear and stretchy) cervical mucous today. I was in the washroom in the staff room so I hope that no one heard my yelp of joy.

So I guess that it was ovulation pain that I felt yesterday. I'm pretty rusty on the Creighton charting, but I knew right away that it was 10KL. And it was only once today.

Okay Aunt Flo, I'm ready for you. Can you show up already?????

13 October 2009

What was that?

I just felt some pain in my lower right side. Could it be ovulation? Or perhaps it's just my belly digesting the Thanksgiving leftovers we had for dinner.

I must sound like a broken record, but I can't help it.


p.s. I put away all of the sandals and summer clothes. Our furnace is on and I wore a winter coat (although it was a thin one) to school today. Although winter is my favourite season, I'm just not ready yet!

12 October 2009


I wish that I felt a little more thankful. We celebrated Thanksgiving this weekend and I am so glad that we had a long weekend, but other than that I'm feeling blah.

I've convinced myself that I'm suffering from PMS. I've been tired and irritable, both of which are classic PMS symptoms for me. I also devoured a ton of chocolate when we got home from Mr. JB's dad's place, which is definitely something very common for me when I'm anticipating Aunt Flo.

Our weekend was pretty quiet. Mr. JB's dad's girlfriend was with her family celebrating Thanksgiving so it was a stress-free weekend. I love spending time with my father and brother-in-law, especially when she's not around. We visited with one of Mr. JB's uncles and his family and one of the cousins moved my vest to see if I was growing a belly. I wanted to kick him, but I refrained. There were a couple of comments from his cousins, "So how long have you two been married?" "No kids yet?" The typical, nosy family stuff. I'm assuming that the gossip about my surgeries and my last hospital stay didn't make it to their side of the village.

Mr. JB and I stopped by a pumpkin patch to get some goodies for our house. It was tough to see the families and their little kids running around. We picked our pumpkins, I always want to get three for our front porch, and got out of there quickly.

I'm back to feeling numb. Perhaps the sadness will come back when my period comes back and we start TTC again. Or maybe not. I do have to say that I'm getting tired of spinning my wheels and waiting.

Aunt Flo where are you????

p.s. My brother-in-law made gluten-free stuffing and gravy for me and it was delicious! The best thing about Thanksgiving is the left-overs!

7 October 2009


I've been feeling some strange pain in my pelvis. It isn't the same pain that I felt when Mr. JB rushed me to the hospital a few weeks ago. I'm pretty convinced that it isn't the same pain as I had with the abscess. I'm sore in the front part of the lower pelvis.

Perhaps it's my ladyparts waking up from their estrogen-deprived slumber. Perhaps it's just healing pain. I have no idea.

I shouldn't worry too much about it being abscess-related. The antibiotics that I'm taking should kill anything bad that's growing inside of me. The one thing that I got out of my wasted trip to my surgeon was that my meds are REALLY strong.

What I am noticing is that I have more cervical mucus and I'm also feeling like how I used to when I am about to get my period. I've been feeling so tired despite sleeping enough at night. I had to drag myself off of the couch so I could make dinner. I'm usually someone with quite a bit of gitty-up, if you know what I mean.

Am I premenstrual? Am I coming off of the L.upron? Any advice or opinions would be appreciated.

p.s. I took my car in for an oil change today and the mechanic checked my engine light (it's been on since the end of August). I also had some work that I deferred a couple of months ago because we just couldn't afford it. Today's price tag was $1500. Ouchie again!

5 October 2009

A little confession

I went to dinner with my former colleagues on Friday night. One of the girls had her newborn with her and I couldn't even look at the baby. I had an even harder time pretending that all was well and that my friend, who decided after six years of marriage and constant assertions that she was too selfish to be a mom, got pregnant soon after she started TTC.

I guess that the bitterness that has been masked by all of my recent health issues is not too far from the surface.

Babies are hard to take, especially newborns. I don't have the same feelings around older kids.

Still praying for Aunt Flo to show up. I would really like her to arrive so we can get this show on the road!

Then again, we've been trying for four years and three months, what's another couple of weeks?


4 October 2009

Where did September go?

I finally tackled the walk-in closet reorganization. I realize that I did have a pretty good excuse as to why it took almost a month to do, but the chaos in our closet was driving me nuts. I can't believe how many clothes I have to give away!

It took me a couple of days to stop being angry. Mr. JB has not seen me that upset in a very long time. I do wish that I could have gotten some good news from my doctor, but I guess I just have to trust my instincts. I have been feeling some strange pangs in my pelvis. It could be related to digestive issues -- I do have colitis -- or something related to my surgery. I have noticed that I do have more cervical mucous, but it isn't like it was pre-L.upron. I got my last dose of the lovely menopause-inducing drug on August 21st so my period can happen any time.

I feel like the girl in "Are you there God, it's me Margaret." I have never wanted my period to come so badly! I feel ready to get back on the TTC train. I want the drugs, the needles and the charting back! And yes, the end to hot flashes would be really great too!

My brain is slowly going to mush. I have to go to bed.

1 October 2009


I've been trying to cool off for the past couple of hours. I don't know whether to cry or punch someone out.

So today was a half day for the kids. I conveniently scheduled my follow-up with my surgeon for this afternoon so I didn't have to call in a supply teacher. I left the school at 2pm so I could get to my appointment in the city at 3pm. Lucky for me there was no traffic and I made it to the office by 2:45. The wait was long (it always is), but I brought a good book to read. I was even happy to find a free chair in the waiting area.

That's when the goodness stopped.

When the doctor finally called me into his exam room he asked me if I had gotten my period. When I saw him in August that was the plan. I would make an appointment when I got my period. He seemed to have no recollection of the fact that I was hospitalized two weeks ago. I reminded him and asked if he had received a copy of my last cat scan, which he didn't. Now I thought that two weeks was long enough for the results of my last scan to make it to his office. In an era of fax machines and internet I didn't think that it would be so difficult.

Alas I was wrong.

I asked him if the abscess is going to affect my fertility, but he said that he wouldn't know until we started trying.

So basically I wasted my afternoon, missed my favourite yoga class and I have no idea if my abscess has resolved itself.


Now if I didn't have to drive to the city and pay for parking and then get stuck in rush hour traffic perhaps I wouldn't be so pissed off.

I feel like I've been given the mother lode of bad luck lately. When I got into the car I just started getting angry at God. I just don't get it. I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of the hot flashes, the incision pain, the antibiotics and most of all infertility.

I have carried this cross for over four years. I hate it that I have to see so many doctors. I hate it that I have to be poked and prodded. I'm tired of taking blood tests and taking medications.

So I have to go for an ultrasound on the 22nd and then I see my surgeon right after. Then I see the infectious disease doctor and my Napro doctor on the 26th.

Was getting some sort of reassurance too much to ask?