Gratitude & A Clarification

Again, I have to thank you all for your kind words and support. I have been a lot better emotionally and I'm feeling a lot more in control of the situation.

We had to take a break from dealing with the billing department at Creighton. The extra charges have nothing to do with PPVI or Dr. Hilgers, the additional costs are all from my hospital stay. We will be asking Creighton for an itemized bill and for some more leniency with the crazy cost they are trying to saddle us with. I hope and pray that there will be more "discounts" applied to our account.

Our financial planner has figured out a very easy plan for us to free up some cash to pay for the extra charges. We were contributing quite a substantial amount to a tax-free account to help save up for our next home, but we are going to suspend those contributions until our bill is paid up. We can't afford to move, not just because of my crazy medical bills, but also real estate is nuts right now in our neighbourhood. It truly was a blessing that we didn't get that house last spring! Then again, if we got that house, I wouldn't have even considered going to Omaha.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around owing so much more than we were told. I wish that this experience hasn't soured my memory of my treatment. I do know that if we knew the entire financial picture that I wouldn't have gone to Omaha. I know that hindsight is 20/20, but I do feel immense guilt for the extra financial burden.

To top it off, Mr. JB's brother sent him a lengthy e-mail saying that we have to stop being so reckless with our spending. Yes, he was kicking us both (in steel-toed boots) while we were down. The last thing we are is wasteful, he seems to forget that we both earn a very good wage and that life is not cheap. In his message he made it sound like we were throwing money away. Yes, if I was doing that I wouldn't be driving an eight year old car, nor would I be clipping coupons. The last time he tried to criticize our marriage he said that I had a compulsive shopping problem. Again, he couldn't be more far off. Yes, I do like to get a good deal, but I'm not going into hock when I get a new sweater or a new pair of shoes (I can count on one hand how many items I have in my closet that I have paid full price).

Again, I'm feeling like I'm being punished for something. I wish I knew what it was, but I can't help but wonder what I could've done to deserve what is happening.

Last night we attended mass and the Stations of the Cross. Our wonderful pastor asked those in attendance to follow him around the church and he asked those around him to help read the passages. The one that he asked me to read was very fitting:

Station Seven: Jesus Falls Again
Christ speaks:
This seventh step, my other self,
is one that tests your will.
From this fall learn to perservere
in doing good.

The time will come
when all your efforts seem to fail
and you will think,
"I can't go on."

Then turn to me,
my heavy-laden one,
and I will give you rest.

Trust me and carry on.

I reply:
Give me your courage, Lord.
When failure presses heavily on me
and I am desolate,
stretch out your hand
to lift me up.

I know I must not cease,
but persevere in doing good.

But help me, Lord.
Alone there's nothing I can do.
With you, I can do anything you ask.

I will.

Prayer buddy, you are getting so many prayers your way. I decided to offer up all of my anxiety for this situation! I hope that there is something fruitful that we can both benefit from through this suffering!