Normal Sucks

Yes folks, normal sucks big fat donkey balls.

Ha ha.

First off, today has been the LONGEST day of my life. My appointment was at 11am and I felt like I have not stopped since I got out of bed this morning. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but setting up a new classroom takes A LOT of effort.

But I digress since this isn't a teaching blog.

So, my appointment with my Napro doctor was anticlimactic. After imagining the worst of the worst, I found out that my thyroid is normal.

I'm not hypothyroid.

WTF?????

Here are the numbers:

T4 Free 16 pmol/L
sTSH 1.06 mIU/L
Free T3 3.8 pmol/L

All within the stupid range.

Argh.

My vitamin D was also normal: 153 nmol/L

My vitamin B12 is fine: 903 pmol/L

I was also concerned that my iron was deficient, but alas that wasn't: 75 ug/L

So nothing new is wrong with me, but my stupid hormones are still messed up.

Here are my Peak +7 numbers for June:

estrogen 204
progesterone 189

And for July:

estrogen 150
progesterone 95

(Sorry about the lack of units. I got a photocopy of some of the results so I could show my naturopath.)

My Napro doctor is concerned that my LH was high and that I didn't seem to ovulate until two days later according to my hormone and ultrasound panel from July. She would like me to try an HCG trigger on my Peak day to help the follicle rupture (thank God that HCG is covered by our insurance!). She also wants to change my F.emara dosage. I will be taking five pills on days 3, 4 and 5. In addition to that I will be taking E.stace post Peak (I will also continue HCG on Peak +3, 5, 7 and 9).

Two more cycles of this new protocol.

The biggest event is that she prescribed H.ydrocort for my adrenal fatigue, even though my levels weren't crazy low. I complained at length about my pervasive fatigue and she agreed to put me on a low dose (5mg daily). It's a start and hopefully it will give me enough of a boost so I'm not a zombie.

Lastly, Mr. JB got the result of his most recent sperm analysis. Apparently his great summer (= lots of adult "pops") has affected his sperm count. His count from last week was only 11 million whereas at his last sperm analysis two years ago his count was 36 million. The motility and morphology were both fine, he's just got to cut back on his drinking A LOT. Not a huge sacrifice in comparison to all the things I've had to give up!

I'm feeling so numb to my results. I so wished that I was hypothyroid so I could have a clear-cut reason for my IF. I would like to hope that the H.ydrocort will give my reproductive system enough of a boost so we can conceive, but I know that I am almost at the end of my TTC journey. I know that I have only so much more patience with my body and I need to move on.

I hope that after my meeting tomorrow then a restful long weekend will bring me more perspective. I know that I have a lot of discerning to do in the next while. There are adoption papers to fill out in my basement and other agencies to research. And most of all, I have a lot of praying to do. I have to figure out how to heal my disappointed and broken infertile heart before I can see what is ahead of me.

And hopefully it isn't an insane asylum, because I'm close folks. Really close.