A New Day

Thank God for a new day.

I'm not saying that I feel 100% better, but it definitely feels better to be at school with my class that loves me (have I mentioned that I'm sad about the year ending? I may be tired, but I love these kids and I'm sad that I won't be teaching all of them next year). I got some hugs this morning, and Ralph was particularly sweet and came back for a second hug.

One of the things that was bothering me yesterday was my maid of honour had called me last week. She had e-mailed me to announce the birth of her daughter -- a month later -- and I just couldn't bring myself to respond. Mr. JB went to my parents' house yesterday without me since I had a migraine and my mom mentioned that her baby was going to be baptized this Saturday (now, who gives a week notice for a baptism?????). It was the straw that broke the camel's back. 

So last night, with the help of Faith like a child, I composed an e-mail telling her that I was having a tough time and that I just couldn't be around a newborn. I was very to the point and I made sure to congratulate her, but I thought that it would be hypocritical of me to attend such a happy occasion when I was feeling so sad. Who knows how she'll respond, but at least I've got the issue of actually sending her a response out of the way.

I was talking to Mr. JB about the situation last night. My fertile best friend also has a newborn and I can go to her house, hold the baby and on Friday night I even rocked him to sleep. I was a bit apprehensive when he was first born, but I quickly warmed up. The biggest difference is that my fertile bf never made it a secret that she wanted to have a bunch of kids AND as soon as she was pg she told me and she felt so horrible. Since her baby's birth she's asked if I was okay to be around him and I said that it didn't bother me since she was so open about it AND she lets me hold him as much as I want. 

Last night when I was doing some research into counseling I found the website for the company that my school board uses. Apparently the service is free to employees and there's a 24 hour phone number that I can call. My Reality recommended a fertility therapist that works in my city, but I think that I'm going to explore the free option first. A friend of ours used the counseling service and she was very happy with them. I know that my sadness is situational and that I am not in need to medication (at least I don't think so).  All I need to do now is to make the call.

Thank you all for all of your kind words and prayers on my last post. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such a supportive community of women that understand and don't judge. I have been trying to remind myself that this phase will pass and that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.