Holy Week Happenings

I apologize for my post-Mexico absence.

I've had a tough Lenten season.

Actually, I've had an extremely difficult school year and after we returned from our vacation down south, I was ready to quit my job.

Or at least take an extended leave of absence.

I know that I'm not new to education.

I also know that I have had difficult classes, and difficult students.

But this group is just taking EVERYTHING out of me.

It also doesn't help that my immune system is on strike and that I've been sick four times since the new year started.

I also have an incredibly sore left shoulder. No, I didn't fall or do anything to hurt myself.

It's stress.

My body is on strike.

Have I mentioned that I'm trying to train for a 5K at the beginning of May?

But I digress....

It did strike me a couple of weeks ago that I needed to rise above all of these trials -- physical, mental and spiritual, and that perhaps I was going through such a hard time so I could walk the 40 days of Lent very closely with our Lord.

It wasn't just enough to give up my trips to St.arbucks, but I needed to get in touch with faith.

Mr. JB and I have attended the Stations of the Cross at our parish on Friday nights since Lent started and it has been such a fantastic way to remind me that my suffering is just a small fraction of what Jesus went through for us. Every time I get frustrated, I look at the crucifix in my classroom and I ask Him to help me be more patient. Instead of yelling at my class, I stop and say a quiet prayer and I try to move on and redirect the student that's doing something aggravating/silly/plain stupid (let's just say that there's been A LOT of praying!).

So, despite having a trying Lent, The Lord has given me a couple of gifts:

I saw my Napro doctor last week and miraculously my FSH has dropped!!!! Since I'm on the bare minimum of meds (i.e. post-Peak HCG to keep the PMS beast at bay), it was shocking to me. My FSH has been over twenty basically since my surgeries in Omaha, and even with drug intervention it didn't go down. We decide to stop (actively) TTC and it goes down to 11. 

Not the best number, but amazing for me!

My doctor was pleasantly surprised and couldn't figure out a medical explanation. My answer was, "God works in mysterious ways."

Also, our homestudy is done! All we have to do is sign it and give it back to our social worker. We have some paperwork to do for the Ch.ildren's A.id So.ciety so we can be assigned a caseworker. Please pray that our homestudy is approved quickly!

I want to wish all of you a very Happy Easter. The JBs are heading out of town so I don't know how much internet I'm going to have. 

Thank you all for your continued prayers. Although I haven't been commenting I have been keeping with the blogosphere. You all continue to be in my prayers!

Learning to be lazy

I thought I was going to die yesterday. 

I'm not exaggerating. 

Not one bit. 

We went to the mainland to visit a girlfriend who moved there last year (can I say jealous enough????). I didn't think that the ferry would be a big deal, but it was. 

I don't mind little boats.

That are propelled by oars. 

That are close to shore.

Larger, faster boats.

Non, merci.

I will never go on a cruise. 

When we were in town earlier this week I could barely look at the cruise ships docked in the harbour. I felt like hyperventilating when my friend asked if we wanted to see her ship.

Again, non, merci.

So the ferry ride was incredibly bumpy because of the bad weather and wind. 

I have never been so grateful to have my rosary with me. Did I ever work those beads!!! 

A bunch of you got some prayers last night! 

So this morning instead of getting up for a run I decided to sleep in. 

For those of you that have followed this blog, you know that is a big deal. 

I don't usually say no to exercise, unless I'm injured or sick.

Of which I was neither.

I chose to be lazy.

And watch re-runs of Frie.nds.

I will be partaking in the pool aerobics, but I can't imagine it will be too taxing.

Maybe this is a first step in forgiving my body?

Perhaps I'm trying to be kinder?

I'm trying hard not to feel guilty, because I do. 

But I will resist the urge to run back to our room and put on my running shoes.

Instead I promise to stay under my palapa and read magazines.

If I say it here, I can't very well do the opposite, right? 

Thoughts from under my palapa

[I go months without anything to say and I go away on vacation and suddenly I'm struck with so much inspiration.]

Sitting around not doing much of nothing gives me so much time to think. 

When I'm home running around like a chicken without a head (with my class this year I have to be ON all the time, there is A LOT to manage: low readers, bad behaviours, lazy kids and just plain dumbness)  I don't have time to think too deeply. And when I get home I'm too exhausted to think about much. 

As I lie under my palapa covered in a beach cover-up and wearing a tankini, I wish I was braver. 

There are many women at my resort that are proudly wearing bikinis (that really shouldn't be), but who don't care about what others think. 

Regardless of all the working out, running and yoga that I do, I never feel confident enough to wear anything remotely revealing on the beach. 

Who do I have to blame?

My crazy mother?

The media?

But really, it's mostly me. 

As I ran on the treadmill this morning all I could think of was how much more I could do, not what I was actually accomplishing. 

Honesty, I am such a head case. 

I wish I could be prouder of my body.

Scars and all.

Little dimples of cellulite included. 

I've spent almost ten years of my life trying to get it to do something that it just can't. I wish I could accept all of my body's faults.

And maybe even forgive it.

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to accomplish all that sitting on the beach today, but I think recognizing my crazy is the first step. 

Blisters

My right foot has been our first casualty of our trip.

We went into town for Sunday mass and I didn't think to "break in" my sandals. I also forgot to pack band aids in my purse we had to spend way too much money at a souvenir shop.

I know, first world problems. 

Mass was beautiful, if not long. I really wish I spoke Spanish! The only problem was when I went up for communion I wanted a blessing since I can't take the host (the saddest thing about being allergic to gluten). The Eucharistic minister was apologetic and said that he couldn't give a blessing and that I would have to go to the priest (he had fantastic English!). Unfortunately, the priest was already wrapping up communion by the time I got out of my line. Mr JB said to ask for a blessing afterwards, but I felt so defeated by that point. He knew I was there, that's what counts, right? 

Today and tomorrow are completely lazy days. Our biggest decisions are beach or pool.

How I have needed this time away!!!!

Sending all of you love and prayers from underneath a palm tree! 

Getting away from it all

2014 is only three months old and I feel like I've been run ragged.

An INCREDIBLY cold winter (even by Canadian standards) plus a crazy class on top of furiously preparing for the end of our homestudy process has burnt me out. 

Have I mentioned that I was sick with the flu then a horrible chest cold for most of January and February? 

And that I'm trying to train for a 10K in May?

Thank goodness that we're not (actively) TTC! 

That would surely take me over the edge. 

Not that I have far to go.

I am so grateful that Mr JB booked a vacation down south. 

No boots. 

Or coats. 

Or scarves.

Or hats. 

For a blessed week. 

I didn't tell him, but I'm considering this our babymoon.

I'm hoping that this time next year we won't be able to afford a vacation because I'll be home with our kids (Yes, friends that is plural.  The JellyBellies are open to adopting a sibling group!). 

I am sending prayers and warm thoughts to all of you. I promise to toast all of you from the beach! 

p.s. I bring you the first towel animal of the trip. This guy was waiting for us on our bed when we arrived. LOVE towel animals! 

And why was I stressing out?

I can ask myself that question after the fact, right?

First off, today was an insanely busy day for me. 

I was the official photographer for a big school board event for about 200 kids.  I helped put together the final slideshow (while taking photos until the last moment). I was being powered by the Holy Spirit because on top of my responsibilities at the event, I had to leave work for my students (who had to be farmed out to different classes -- I owe my colleagues BIG TIME!), and I am sick as a dog. I really should've spent today in bed coughing up a lung (and was told by our school trustee that I needed to just stay home -- yeah, right!). 

By the time I got home I was running on fumes and your prayers. 

Lucky for us our social worker was late (her fault totally), so when she arrived her home inspection was super quick. Mr JB said that she seemed to want more decorating tips than anything. 

We worried for absolutely no reason! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that we did all the prep and that our house is technically ready for a placement. I'm type-A, I wanted my house to meet my standards. 

The only thing we need to wait for is my criminal check from France (which I reapplied for this evening because I still hadn't received the one I applied for in June!). We also have to fill out the paperwork for our local Children's Aid Society. 

Our social worker says that we could have everything wrapped up in a month. 

A month!!! 

I am so grateful for all of your kind words and support. I could feel all of your holding me up. I really could. 

Now that it's all over I'm lying in my bed, exhausted. It's amazing that I have the wherewithal to post! 

Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for us! 

This time tomorrow....

I'm trying really hard not to freak out.

Our house is (pretty much) spotless. 

Our closets are tidy.

Carbon monoxide detector is installed. 

Fire extinguisher is under the kitchen sink. 

All of the medications are locked away. 

The adult beverages are hidden. 

Even the garage is tidy. 

Paperwork is done (with the exception of our reference letters which are being mailed to our social worker). 

Even the glass of wine with dinner didn't calm my nerves. 

If you have a second to spare, please say a prayer. Our home visit is from 4 to 5:30pm (eastern).

I promise to update when it's all over!

Mary, Undoer of Knots, Pray for us

I have been so blessed to walk this long, hard journey of IF, with some wonderful friends. A few weeks ago, the lovely Rebecca and I were texting about some big events in our infertile lives -- we had just fixed the date for our final home visit and she had booked her surgery.

I am so grateful to have found so many friends that are so willing to offer up prayers, novenas, masses and pilgrimages for our intentions. We would love if you would join us in the Mary, Undoer of Knots while we embark on this next "phase" of our IF journey.

I'm starting a day late, because I am just not as organized as Rebecca! So, from February 22nd to March 2nd, please join us in prayer! Also, if you have your own intentions to add, please add them in the comment box!

Mary, Undoer of Knots, Pray for us!!!

T-minus seven days

Our final home visit is a week today.

Our contractor is done all the work.

Our amazing cleaning lady is bringing her crew for a DEEP clean our the house Thursday morning.

Just a few more cosmetic things to finish up.

I'm trying not to freak out.

I'm trying not to nag Mr. JB to death.

My body has broken into a strange rash, which I blaming on stress.

If you could spare a prayer for the JellyBelly household in the next week, I would be forever grateful.

I am so happy to have something to focus on, other than CD2.

Or my crazy class.

And I'm offering up my stress for all of you!

A new beginning...

I am trying to frame the news that my FSH has climbed to a high of 21 and my wonderful, hopeful doctor saying, "You can't get pregnant without help." in the most positive way possible. 

I knew going into my appointment today that I need a treatment break. 

Almost nine years of the IF struggle has worn me down and I knew in my heart that I was spent. 

I am look forward to finally finishing our homestudy. 

I am looking forward to having something else besides my broken body to focus on.  

Please Lord, give me strength.