I need the season of Lent to start ASAP. I feel like I've been through the desert, physically and mentally. I cannot wait to renew myself spiritually. I really hope that in the next 40 days that I can find some renewed strength, I'm so tired of feeling down and sad.
This has to end now.
Now onto my list of Lenten promises:
1) Mr. JB and I are cutting down our F.acebook time to one hour a night. Hopefully less. Now that we're both on FB, Mr. JB and I are talking less. That has to stop.
2) No more Blogger at work. Really, I shouldn't be on the computer for personal stuff anyway. I'm getting into a busy time with my class with report cards coming up. I wish that I didn't have access at all, so I wouldn't be tempted!
3) No more candy, pop and wine. Unfortunately I can't give up chocolate. It's a necessity for an infertile.
4) Mr. JB and I are going to say the rosary together every night. We're still looking for a novena to say -- any suggestions?
5) Mr. JB and I are going to go to mass and Stations of the Cross on Friday nights. I've done this pretty much as long as I can remember. I love attending the Stations and it's a great way to end the week.
6) No meat on Fridays. Duh, that's pretty simple.
7) I'm going to try to go to bed by 10pm. This is going to be tough since the O.lympics are on!
The one thing that we decided that we weren't going to do is give up take-out. With report cards on the horizon and our March Break, take out is inevitable. Since going gluten-free we've eaten out less and less since it's so tough for me! I'm going to try really hard to cook on Friday nights, but for those late nights when we're marking and doing reports, take out is the only option for the both of us.
I'm so ready for Lent to start. My soul needs this so badly. I hope that I can bear my small sacrifices with little complaint, since I know that what I'm doing is only a minute fraction of what Jesus did for us!
16 February 2010
15 February 2010
Hiding Out
I just haven't had any energy or intention to blog.
I think that I have completely digested the disappointment of having yet another cycle go bust (yes, I woke up this morning to CD1, woohoo!). I have also been trying hard to be positive since really we have only been TTC with my newly overhauled ladyparts for three cycles (and really, the first cycle didn't count since I was on the abscess killing antibiotics and I was basically unmedicated). I wish that I had a way to erase the past four years of disappointment because if it wasn't for the history of months and months of sadness, I would be okay.
Now that's a strange sentence, isn't it?
If I could erase my memory I would be okay. What a novel idea!
Anyhow, a couple of days ago I remember something that Dr. T told us at my appointment. She was reading over my surgeon's notes about my procedure in August because she wanted to make sure that my tubes were clear (they always were, according to the HSG that I had WAY back in 2006, but one never knows, right?), which they still are. The problem with my tubes, well in particular my right tube, was the fact that it was obscured by adhesions and that it was all twisted. When my surgeon removed the adhesions my tube went back into place (I picture it just springing back into where it was supposed to be, but I have no idea if it works that way!). Dr. T found in my surgeons notes that my tubes were clear, but she did find something that made me quite sad.
The surgeon removed three uterine fibroids and one endometrioma and because of where the fibroids were he recommended that when I get pregnant that I would have to have a c-section.
Ouch.
I know that the pregnancy and birth experience has not what I've planned -- I obviously wouldn't have planned the sheer lack of both for so long, I'm not a sadist, you know. But I have imagined that I would be able to limit the medical intervention after I finally got pregnant. I thought that I would be able to have a midwife and perhaps a doula and that I would be able to do things as naturally as possible (except for the homebirth, Mr. JB is totally against that). I do have to admit that I feel a little robbed. Not only have I had to endure the pain and sadness of IF, but I also have no hope of being all crunchy granola about my birth process.
And yes, have yet another surgery.
On the bright side, I figure that my surgeon will also be my ob/gyn, I like him and he also works at a highly respected Catholic hospital. But that isn't much of a consolation. The paradigm shift that I have to make to accept this news is pretty tough, but really I know that I'm putting the cart well before the horse.
I was born by c-section, so was Mr. JB and his brother. There is nothing wrong with having c-sections, but it's just not what I wanted for me. Oh well, one more thing to mourn.
I really need Lent to start. I'm feeling quite angry and sad right now so I'm finding it so hard to figure out thing to give up. I feel like I've given up so much already. Mr. JB and I are going to say the rosary together every night (we say it at school with the kids, but we've never prayed it together, how crazy is that?). We're also going to go to mass and the Stations of the Cross on Friday nights. I'm going to give up pop and candy (but not chocolate, I just can't). I'm also going to limit my computer time since I just waste so much of it on FB!
I need some serious healing, physically and spiritually. I hope that the next 4o days will make me a stronger, more faithful person, because I've been lacking in both. God please help me!
I think that I have completely digested the disappointment of having yet another cycle go bust (yes, I woke up this morning to CD1, woohoo!). I have also been trying hard to be positive since really we have only been TTC with my newly overhauled ladyparts for three cycles (and really, the first cycle didn't count since I was on the abscess killing antibiotics and I was basically unmedicated). I wish that I had a way to erase the past four years of disappointment because if it wasn't for the history of months and months of sadness, I would be okay.
Now that's a strange sentence, isn't it?
If I could erase my memory I would be okay. What a novel idea!
Anyhow, a couple of days ago I remember something that Dr. T told us at my appointment. She was reading over my surgeon's notes about my procedure in August because she wanted to make sure that my tubes were clear (they always were, according to the HSG that I had WAY back in 2006, but one never knows, right?), which they still are. The problem with my tubes, well in particular my right tube, was the fact that it was obscured by adhesions and that it was all twisted. When my surgeon removed the adhesions my tube went back into place (I picture it just springing back into where it was supposed to be, but I have no idea if it works that way!). Dr. T found in my surgeons notes that my tubes were clear, but she did find something that made me quite sad.
The surgeon removed three uterine fibroids and one endometrioma and because of where the fibroids were he recommended that when I get pregnant that I would have to have a c-section.
Ouch.
I know that the pregnancy and birth experience has not what I've planned -- I obviously wouldn't have planned the sheer lack of both for so long, I'm not a sadist, you know. But I have imagined that I would be able to limit the medical intervention after I finally got pregnant. I thought that I would be able to have a midwife and perhaps a doula and that I would be able to do things as naturally as possible (except for the homebirth, Mr. JB is totally against that). I do have to admit that I feel a little robbed. Not only have I had to endure the pain and sadness of IF, but I also have no hope of being all crunchy granola about my birth process.
And yes, have yet another surgery.
On the bright side, I figure that my surgeon will also be my ob/gyn, I like him and he also works at a highly respected Catholic hospital. But that isn't much of a consolation. The paradigm shift that I have to make to accept this news is pretty tough, but really I know that I'm putting the cart well before the horse.
I was born by c-section, so was Mr. JB and his brother. There is nothing wrong with having c-sections, but it's just not what I wanted for me. Oh well, one more thing to mourn.
I really need Lent to start. I'm feeling quite angry and sad right now so I'm finding it so hard to figure out thing to give up. I feel like I've given up so much already. Mr. JB and I are going to say the rosary together every night (we say it at school with the kids, but we've never prayed it together, how crazy is that?). We're also going to go to mass and the Stations of the Cross on Friday nights. I'm going to give up pop and candy (but not chocolate, I just can't). I'm also going to limit my computer time since I just waste so much of it on FB!
I need some serious healing, physically and spiritually. I hope that the next 4o days will make me a stronger, more faithful person, because I've been lacking in both. God please help me!
10 February 2010
One step forward, seemingly a hundred back
I wish I was feeling more positive about my doctor's visit.
Let's just say that we had to go to I.kea to cheer me up and that didn't even work! Mr. JB was angelic while we walked through the store and he didn't even complain when I went back to check if the baskets I needed were in another part of the store (they weren't, they're sold out, argh!). He even patiently went through the kitchen section with me and admired the no-slam drawers (which I was so badly!).
Anyhow, back to business.
Thankfully our wait wasn't too long. I was prepared with my favourite decorating magazine so I was actually a bit disappointed when we were called in so soon (Am I the only one that feels like this in the waiting room????)! So Dr. T looked at my chart and then reviewed my Peak +7 bloodwork from this month and last. Apparently this month's levels were still low whereas last month's were really good (I didn't think that I ovulated, but I could've had a yeast infection, there's no real way to tell). She was also surprised that I was spotting around ovulation since that would be an indication of lower estrogen levels, but last month my hormone levels were good. She seemed genuinely surprised that my hormone levels post-peak weren't better since I was on F.emara (I didn't get in trouble, she was happy that I took the meds!).
I also asked her about getting tested for MTHMFR, but since I don't have a history of miscarriage. She also said that the testing isn't covered by our provincial health care, so at this time she doesn't think that testing for it is necessary. What she does want me to research is the "I.mmupro 100" test. She talked about some of her Napro colleagues that are researching the connection between food sensitivities and infertility. She said that she hasn't seen an increase of pregnancies with her patients that have done the testing, but she said that it couldn't hurt. I also mentioned to her that I'm going to see my naturopath on Friday and that I would mention the testing to her. We just walked in the door so I didn't even get the chance to google "I.mupro 100."
So I'm figuring that this cycle is a bust, but I was too scared to ask her. I couldn't handle any more bad news.
What Dr. T does want me to do for my next cycle is to double my dose of F.emara. I asked her why she put me on an ovulation induction drug when we know from my u/s series from way back that I do ovulate. She explained that it helps the follicle quality and that there would be a better chance of having multiple follicles than I would without the F.emara. She also said that it helped with the post-peak hormone levels (which is why she was surprised that my levels were so low this cycle).
Dr. T also explained that stress can really effect hormone levels and all of you know that I've had a pretty stressful month and a half (remember all of the illness and death that seems to be hovering around our house?). It's obvious that my body is reacting to all of my life stresses. Another thing that she wants me to do is repeat the u/s series that I did when I first started seeing her two years ago, but that's going to have to wait until the summer. We're going to try the double dose of F.emara for two cycles and then we're going to see what happens.
On Monday evening I saw my chiropractor and she mentioned that my lower back problems are most likely due to healing from my surgery and subsequent abscess. She thinks that my body just isn't ready to conceive yet -- which is something that I wasn't 100% prepared to hear, since she is right. I'm back to wanting to force my body into doing something that it isn't ready to do.
I know that I tried to set myself up for disappointment so soon after my period starting again. Although it has been seven months since my surgery, it has only been three since my period started and really only two since the abscess has been gone. I wish that I could have the belief that both my Napro doctor and chiropractor have in my ability to conceive.
Right now I feel so defeated. I always hope that she's going to give me stellar news that I've been miraculously cured and that we have finally conceived. Alas, not at this visit.
I'm tired of being infertile and broken. It also didn't help that there were so many pg women, babies and kids at I.kea.
My head hurts. I need to eat some ice cream or something.
Let's just say that we had to go to I.kea to cheer me up and that didn't even work! Mr. JB was angelic while we walked through the store and he didn't even complain when I went back to check if the baskets I needed were in another part of the store (they weren't, they're sold out, argh!). He even patiently went through the kitchen section with me and admired the no-slam drawers (which I was so badly!).
Anyhow, back to business.
Thankfully our wait wasn't too long. I was prepared with my favourite decorating magazine so I was actually a bit disappointed when we were called in so soon (Am I the only one that feels like this in the waiting room????)! So Dr. T looked at my chart and then reviewed my Peak +7 bloodwork from this month and last. Apparently this month's levels were still low whereas last month's were really good (I didn't think that I ovulated, but I could've had a yeast infection, there's no real way to tell). She was also surprised that I was spotting around ovulation since that would be an indication of lower estrogen levels, but last month my hormone levels were good. She seemed genuinely surprised that my hormone levels post-peak weren't better since I was on F.emara (I didn't get in trouble, she was happy that I took the meds!).
I also asked her about getting tested for MTHMFR, but since I don't have a history of miscarriage. She also said that the testing isn't covered by our provincial health care, so at this time she doesn't think that testing for it is necessary. What she does want me to research is the "I.mmupro 100" test. She talked about some of her Napro colleagues that are researching the connection between food sensitivities and infertility. She said that she hasn't seen an increase of pregnancies with her patients that have done the testing, but she said that it couldn't hurt. I also mentioned to her that I'm going to see my naturopath on Friday and that I would mention the testing to her. We just walked in the door so I didn't even get the chance to google "I.mupro 100."
So I'm figuring that this cycle is a bust, but I was too scared to ask her. I couldn't handle any more bad news.
What Dr. T does want me to do for my next cycle is to double my dose of F.emara. I asked her why she put me on an ovulation induction drug when we know from my u/s series from way back that I do ovulate. She explained that it helps the follicle quality and that there would be a better chance of having multiple follicles than I would without the F.emara. She also said that it helped with the post-peak hormone levels (which is why she was surprised that my levels were so low this cycle).
Dr. T also explained that stress can really effect hormone levels and all of you know that I've had a pretty stressful month and a half (remember all of the illness and death that seems to be hovering around our house?). It's obvious that my body is reacting to all of my life stresses. Another thing that she wants me to do is repeat the u/s series that I did when I first started seeing her two years ago, but that's going to have to wait until the summer. We're going to try the double dose of F.emara for two cycles and then we're going to see what happens.
On Monday evening I saw my chiropractor and she mentioned that my lower back problems are most likely due to healing from my surgery and subsequent abscess. She thinks that my body just isn't ready to conceive yet -- which is something that I wasn't 100% prepared to hear, since she is right. I'm back to wanting to force my body into doing something that it isn't ready to do.
I know that I tried to set myself up for disappointment so soon after my period starting again. Although it has been seven months since my surgery, it has only been three since my period started and really only two since the abscess has been gone. I wish that I could have the belief that both my Napro doctor and chiropractor have in my ability to conceive.
Right now I feel so defeated. I always hope that she's going to give me stellar news that I've been miraculously cured and that we have finally conceived. Alas, not at this visit.
I'm tired of being infertile and broken. It also didn't help that there were so many pg women, babies and kids at I.kea.
My head hurts. I need to eat some ice cream or something.
Seeing the Doctor
First off, I have to apologize for all of the snow envy I've been passing around on the blogs. We finally have snow again (the first substantial snowfall since December 9th!). Mr. JB is ready to shoot me! He hates the white stuff, while I absolutely love it. It's the time of year when I REALLY NEED A SNOW DAY.
So this afternoon I'm going to see my Napro doc. I'm concerned about two things: I took F.emara without her go-ahead (but she did give me the prescription, she just didn't tell me to fill it!) and I also want to be tested for MTHMFR. My last two periods have been quite clotty and the last one was really painful. I don't know how familiar she is with clotting disorders, but I think it would be better to rule it out and to treat it.
Is there anything else that you would suggest that I ask when I see her today?
In cycle news: I'm Peak +11 today and I've been so mean to my class! I'm also exhausted.
I'll post more when I get back from my appointment!
9 February 2010
Swallowing My Stubbornness
Okay girls, I'm glad that I took the antibiotics this morning.
Not to be too graphic but when I went to the bathroom first thing this morning I felt pain -- a pain that I've felt for the past couple of weeks. Hmmm, can we all say UTI????
What is wrong with me? Pain during urination is a tell-tale sign!
I'm a silly, prideful girl.
Thanks for setting me straight last night.
8 February 2010
To Antibiotic, or To Not Antibiotic -- HELP!!! *Updated
So last week I had to go for my yearly pap and urine sample at my GP's office. I was feeling fine and I wasn't really concerned. I'm so used to being poked at "down there" after four and a half years of IF. I got a call on Friday that I had to call the doctor's office because the doctor wanted to see me.
Argh.
I wasn't too concerned, but I suspected that I had a UTI because my lower back was sore (but I don't have any other symptoms, no burning when I pee, no cloudy urine, nothing!). I mentioned my lower back pain to my doctor but she brushed it off (it's usually a symptom for me, but she doesn't always take me seriously, she has been my doctor since I was 18 and she totally dropped the ball with the endo).
So she gave me a prescription for a five-day course of antibiotics (she prescribed me Z.ithromax) and I don't know if I want to take them. I called my naturopath and I can't see her until Friday afternoon so that would mean that I've had this infection brewing inside me for two weeks. Mr. JB thinks that I should take them and if it wasn't for the length of time before my appointment on Friday, I would wait.
I don't want to risk the infection moving to my kidneys because that would be a bigger mess.
Btw, I'm Peak +9 today, Friday will be Peak +13. I have no idea what our chances are at being pg this cycle, but I don't know if I want to risk taking this medication if I am.
What to do? Help!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Update: I took the meds. I read the info on the antibiotics and it's safe during pg (I'm definitely putting my cart before the horse!!). Since my kidney pain has only increased in the past couple of days I'm sure that the infection is just getting worse. Hopefully my naturopath can give me something good to counteract the effects of the meds on my body!
Argh.
I wasn't too concerned, but I suspected that I had a UTI because my lower back was sore (but I don't have any other symptoms, no burning when I pee, no cloudy urine, nothing!). I mentioned my lower back pain to my doctor but she brushed it off (it's usually a symptom for me, but she doesn't always take me seriously, she has been my doctor since I was 18 and she totally dropped the ball with the endo).
So she gave me a prescription for a five-day course of antibiotics (she prescribed me Z.ithromax) and I don't know if I want to take them. I called my naturopath and I can't see her until Friday afternoon so that would mean that I've had this infection brewing inside me for two weeks. Mr. JB thinks that I should take them and if it wasn't for the length of time before my appointment on Friday, I would wait.
I don't want to risk the infection moving to my kidneys because that would be a bigger mess.
Btw, I'm Peak +9 today, Friday will be Peak +13. I have no idea what our chances are at being pg this cycle, but I don't know if I want to risk taking this medication if I am.
What to do? Help!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Update: I took the meds. I read the info on the antibiotics and it's safe during pg (I'm definitely putting my cart before the horse!!). Since my kidney pain has only increased in the past couple of days I'm sure that the infection is just getting worse. Hopefully my naturopath can give me something good to counteract the effects of the meds on my body!
7 February 2010
JellyBelly, the Bad Customer Service Crusader
I've been lying pretty low since Friday. The funeral was very, very difficult for both myself and Mr. JB. In retrospect we should've taken the afternoon off. Then again, doing a fun math activity with my class was a good distraction. If we didn't go back to work I would've spent the entire afternoon crying and moping.
I made more soup for my neighbour's wife and daughter and we ended up spending most of the evening with them. I do have say that V seems quite relieved that the funeral is over. The bulk of the care taking duties fell to her while J was sick and it was definitely taking it's toll on her, physically and mentally. It was nice to have some supper together and reminisce about our memories of J.
So yesterday I knew that I had to get my Peak +7 blood work done. I got up early (as usual) and went to an 8am yoga class, which was being led by someone new (yes, one of my New Year's resolutions). I didn't find out that the teacher on the schedule wasn't going to be there until I was dressed and ready to go. I'm so glad that I did since the class was great! I got a good workout and it was nice to experience a new teacher.
After class I went to S.tarbucks for a banana chocolate V.ivanno smoothie (it is so delicious! You must run and get one!). I also had a book in my bag since the last time I went to the lab on a Saturday I had to wait for an hour and a half. When I got to the lab the woman at the desk had a hand-written sign that said, "No numbers will be given out until at least two hours from now." I was quite confused so I went into the hallway and called Mr. JB. He was equally confused. I went back into the lab and asked for the phone number since I didn't want to return in vain two hours later.
As I was driving home I got more and more upset. I have waited for extended periods of time at the lab since it is one of the few public labs that is open on the weekends in my city. I'm prepared to wait. Heck I even had a book and a drink! The second I walked in the door I got the customer service number for the lab and I told them what had happened and lo and behold the receptionist was breaking the rules! There is no way that they can refuse patients since they are a public lab! Apparently the doctor that runs the walk-in clinic that is in the same building as the lab said that they couldn't take anymore patients.
Huh?
So the very nice woman told me that she was going to call the lab location and get to the bottom of the situation. I figure that the woman that put up the sign got in trouble. When I returned (with Mr. JB in tow, we were going to run errands after I got my blood drawn) the line was quite short and my wait was barely half an hour. Mr. JB and I figure that she turned away quite a few people that didn't know that they were being wronged. I also put the customer service number in my cell phone's memory just in case this happens again. Honestly, the nerve!
A few years ago I had a tangle with one our local grocery stores. I found that the customer service at this particular store was getting worse and worse and I just couldn't take it any more. I decided to send a letter to the head office of said grocery store and we went back and forth for about a month trying to figure out how to keep me as a customer. The store is so bad that a friend of mine that is an employee of the grocery store's parent company doesn't even shop there! Anyhow, the store's customer service didn't get any better so I just boycotted it and I proceeded to tell anyone and everyone that I know how much they sucked.
So yesterday while I was at the drug store a woman was asking if there was this particular grocery store in the neighbourhood. Of course, I piped up and said, "Yes, it's just down the street, but their customer service sucks, so I wouldn't go there if I were you." She looked pretty shocked, but I didn't want yet another nice person to go in there an be mistreated!
The way that I look at it is that I'm a nice person. I also worked retail and various customer service positions and I always prided myself in trying to please the customer. Being a teacher also forces me to be nice to even the craziest parents. Regardless of how I'm really feeling I have to be diplomatic and polite. I do not tolerate bad customer service. I believe that I work hard to earn my money and people that don't treat their customers well don't deserve my patronage.
So there.
Last night while I was napping on the couch (I haven't been feeling 100% and I've basically spent all weekend resting) Mr. JB had quite the long conversation with my fertile best friend. She told Mr. JB that his sister-in-law (who got married two months after us) had a miscarriage in December. She also made the comment that she was "milking the situation." I got quite upset by her comment. I know that her SIL has been TTC for at least two years and I figured that they were also having issues since they've been married for as long as we have. My fertile best friend who is so understanding of my IF just doesn't understand the pain of having a miscarriage. I know that if it were me that I would be having an equally difficult time. It also doesn't help that her SIL's husband is across the country working at the O.lympics. She's all alone and dealing with a miscarriage. How horrible is that????? I know that I don't usually cry on her shoulder over my barrenness, but if I had a miscarriage I would hope that I could have as long as I wanted to mourn for my baby.
Argh.
I have to go back to being social. My fertile bf's husband and another buddy of Mr. JB's are watching the S.uperbowl on the fancy new TV. I personally cannot stand American football, but I do have to admit that watching the game in HD is pretty cool!
I made more soup for my neighbour's wife and daughter and we ended up spending most of the evening with them. I do have say that V seems quite relieved that the funeral is over. The bulk of the care taking duties fell to her while J was sick and it was definitely taking it's toll on her, physically and mentally. It was nice to have some supper together and reminisce about our memories of J.
So yesterday I knew that I had to get my Peak +7 blood work done. I got up early (as usual) and went to an 8am yoga class, which was being led by someone new (yes, one of my New Year's resolutions). I didn't find out that the teacher on the schedule wasn't going to be there until I was dressed and ready to go. I'm so glad that I did since the class was great! I got a good workout and it was nice to experience a new teacher.
After class I went to S.tarbucks for a banana chocolate V.ivanno smoothie (it is so delicious! You must run and get one!). I also had a book in my bag since the last time I went to the lab on a Saturday I had to wait for an hour and a half. When I got to the lab the woman at the desk had a hand-written sign that said, "No numbers will be given out until at least two hours from now." I was quite confused so I went into the hallway and called Mr. JB. He was equally confused. I went back into the lab and asked for the phone number since I didn't want to return in vain two hours later.
As I was driving home I got more and more upset. I have waited for extended periods of time at the lab since it is one of the few public labs that is open on the weekends in my city. I'm prepared to wait. Heck I even had a book and a drink! The second I walked in the door I got the customer service number for the lab and I told them what had happened and lo and behold the receptionist was breaking the rules! There is no way that they can refuse patients since they are a public lab! Apparently the doctor that runs the walk-in clinic that is in the same building as the lab said that they couldn't take anymore patients.
Huh?
So the very nice woman told me that she was going to call the lab location and get to the bottom of the situation. I figure that the woman that put up the sign got in trouble. When I returned (with Mr. JB in tow, we were going to run errands after I got my blood drawn) the line was quite short and my wait was barely half an hour. Mr. JB and I figure that she turned away quite a few people that didn't know that they were being wronged. I also put the customer service number in my cell phone's memory just in case this happens again. Honestly, the nerve!
A few years ago I had a tangle with one our local grocery stores. I found that the customer service at this particular store was getting worse and worse and I just couldn't take it any more. I decided to send a letter to the head office of said grocery store and we went back and forth for about a month trying to figure out how to keep me as a customer. The store is so bad that a friend of mine that is an employee of the grocery store's parent company doesn't even shop there! Anyhow, the store's customer service didn't get any better so I just boycotted it and I proceeded to tell anyone and everyone that I know how much they sucked.
So yesterday while I was at the drug store a woman was asking if there was this particular grocery store in the neighbourhood. Of course, I piped up and said, "Yes, it's just down the street, but their customer service sucks, so I wouldn't go there if I were you." She looked pretty shocked, but I didn't want yet another nice person to go in there an be mistreated!
The way that I look at it is that I'm a nice person. I also worked retail and various customer service positions and I always prided myself in trying to please the customer. Being a teacher also forces me to be nice to even the craziest parents. Regardless of how I'm really feeling I have to be diplomatic and polite. I do not tolerate bad customer service. I believe that I work hard to earn my money and people that don't treat their customers well don't deserve my patronage.
So there.
Last night while I was napping on the couch (I haven't been feeling 100% and I've basically spent all weekend resting) Mr. JB had quite the long conversation with my fertile best friend. She told Mr. JB that his sister-in-law (who got married two months after us) had a miscarriage in December. She also made the comment that she was "milking the situation." I got quite upset by her comment. I know that her SIL has been TTC for at least two years and I figured that they were also having issues since they've been married for as long as we have. My fertile best friend who is so understanding of my IF just doesn't understand the pain of having a miscarriage. I know that if it were me that I would be having an equally difficult time. It also doesn't help that her SIL's husband is across the country working at the O.lympics. She's all alone and dealing with a miscarriage. How horrible is that????? I know that I don't usually cry on her shoulder over my barrenness, but if I had a miscarriage I would hope that I could have as long as I wanted to mourn for my baby.
Argh.
I have to go back to being social. My fertile bf's husband and another buddy of Mr. JB's are watching the S.uperbowl on the fancy new TV. I personally cannot stand American football, but I do have to admit that watching the game in HD is pretty cool!
4 February 2010
Digesting
Literally and figuratively.
After the week that we've had, I'm too exhausted to to write a full post. I apologize in advance.
1) Today was a strange day at school. For the second day in a row my usually well-behaved class was koo-koo bananas. I threatened to give away all of the toys (that they only get to play with on Fridays for 15 minutes if they're really good) to a "better behaved" class in the school.
2) A kid in my class threw up and then was so embarrassed that she cleaned it all up herself. I saw her cleaning up and I asked her what happened and she said, "I was watching JP eating his snack and then I vomited in my mouth."
Needless to say my class smelled of barf the entire day, even after spraying the heck out of it with L.ysol (yes, I'm a germophobe, I use it on their stinky indoor shoes when they go home!).
3) We went to our neighbour's visitation last night. We made it to the front of of the room, Mr. JB kneeled down to say his prayers and I froze. I've been to many, many funeral home visitations, but for some reason this one was particularly difficult. Perhaps it was because we were in the same home that my grandmother's visitation was held, but that was ten years ago (and she was old and very, very sick, her death was truly a blessing).
The funeral is tomorrow. Please remember our neighbours in your prayers. Mr. JB and I were lucky enough to organize coverage for our classes so we can both attend the mass.
4) I had the funniest moment with a kid in the other grade one Immersion class. On Tuesdays and Thursdays the kids can order a hot lunch. One of today's options was chicken fingers and rice. So while I was doing lunchtime supervision I asked one of the little boys if he was enjoying his lunch and he looked at me and his smile went from ear to ear. I have never seen a kid that was so happy to eat lunch!
5) I watched my B.lue D.evils beat G.eorgia T.ech on our fancy new TV. Now I'm watching the O.ffice in HD. I think that I'm in love with our new television (Shhh! Don't tell Mr. JB!).
6) I had Turkish Delight for the first time tonight. The kid that threw up in my class today gave it to me as a birthday present. I had no idea it was so tasty!
7) My last two HCG injections were SUPER painful. I had to try four times on Tuesday night and three times tonight. It has never been this painful before. I'm injecting in my belly as I always have. I haven't changed my injection technique. What gives???
8) I'm exhausted. I need to go to bed. Now.
After the week that we've had, I'm too exhausted to to write a full post. I apologize in advance.
1) Today was a strange day at school. For the second day in a row my usually well-behaved class was koo-koo bananas. I threatened to give away all of the toys (that they only get to play with on Fridays for 15 minutes if they're really good) to a "better behaved" class in the school.
2) A kid in my class threw up and then was so embarrassed that she cleaned it all up herself. I saw her cleaning up and I asked her what happened and she said, "I was watching JP eating his snack and then I vomited in my mouth."
Needless to say my class smelled of barf the entire day, even after spraying the heck out of it with L.ysol (yes, I'm a germophobe, I use it on their stinky indoor shoes when they go home!).
3) We went to our neighbour's visitation last night. We made it to the front of of the room, Mr. JB kneeled down to say his prayers and I froze. I've been to many, many funeral home visitations, but for some reason this one was particularly difficult. Perhaps it was because we were in the same home that my grandmother's visitation was held, but that was ten years ago (and she was old and very, very sick, her death was truly a blessing).
The funeral is tomorrow. Please remember our neighbours in your prayers. Mr. JB and I were lucky enough to organize coverage for our classes so we can both attend the mass.
4) I had the funniest moment with a kid in the other grade one Immersion class. On Tuesdays and Thursdays the kids can order a hot lunch. One of today's options was chicken fingers and rice. So while I was doing lunchtime supervision I asked one of the little boys if he was enjoying his lunch and he looked at me and his smile went from ear to ear. I have never seen a kid that was so happy to eat lunch!
5) I watched my B.lue D.evils beat G.eorgia T.ech on our fancy new TV. Now I'm watching the O.ffice in HD. I think that I'm in love with our new television (Shhh! Don't tell Mr. JB!).
6) I had Turkish Delight for the first time tonight. The kid that threw up in my class today gave it to me as a birthday present. I had no idea it was so tasty!
7) My last two HCG injections were SUPER painful. I had to try four times on Tuesday night and three times tonight. It has never been this painful before. I'm injecting in my belly as I always have. I haven't changed my injection technique. What gives???
8) I'm exhausted. I need to go to bed. Now.
2 February 2010
Shock
I'm still in a state of shock girls.
I felt like I was walking around in a fog all day. It may have to do with being exhausted, but I'm just wiped out emotionally.
As Mr. JB just said to me, I am taking my neighbour's death really hard. Harder than I normally would.
I think that the cross of infertility is weighing heavily on me and on top of all of the illness that is surrounding our family, a death was the straw that broke the camel's back.
After school instead of going to yoga I went home and made soup for my neighbours. I know that big part of needing to cook was having a sense of feeling useful. I know that our support means a lot to V and A, and I know that J would appreciate it as well. When I got home I opened up the garage door and saw J's wheelchair sitting there. It was difficult for me to put the garbage can and recycling boxes back in there just knowing that the chair was there. I'm so glad that J's brother thought to give it us for the meantime because I know that seeing J's chair would make V and A quite upset.
My biggest hurdle right now is that I have to figure out how to get my class covered to attend the funeral mass. V asked us both if we could go and I don't want to let her down. She doesn't have any family here in Canada and she has a difficult relationship with J's family.
The only productive thing that I did today was RSVP for the adoption seminar on February 22nd. I really hope that they don't try to scare us away since that was the feeling that I got from the intake worker.
Please continue to pray for our neighbours. Visitation will be tomorrow and Thursday and the funeral mass is going to be on Friday. I really don't think that it's hit A yet. We had dinner with them and some other neighbours and A was flitting about trying to finish a slide show for the funeral home.
I miss my crazy parents and they're only on vacation. I can't even imagine losing my father at 13. I'm 35 and I can't even bear the thought of my parents getting older and sick. I have to remind myself that I have to appreciate my crazy parents, regardless of how much they frustrate me.
I just wish that life lessons weren't so hard to digest.
I felt like I was walking around in a fog all day. It may have to do with being exhausted, but I'm just wiped out emotionally.
As Mr. JB just said to me, I am taking my neighbour's death really hard. Harder than I normally would.
I think that the cross of infertility is weighing heavily on me and on top of all of the illness that is surrounding our family, a death was the straw that broke the camel's back.
After school instead of going to yoga I went home and made soup for my neighbours. I know that big part of needing to cook was having a sense of feeling useful. I know that our support means a lot to V and A, and I know that J would appreciate it as well. When I got home I opened up the garage door and saw J's wheelchair sitting there. It was difficult for me to put the garbage can and recycling boxes back in there just knowing that the chair was there. I'm so glad that J's brother thought to give it us for the meantime because I know that seeing J's chair would make V and A quite upset.
My biggest hurdle right now is that I have to figure out how to get my class covered to attend the funeral mass. V asked us both if we could go and I don't want to let her down. She doesn't have any family here in Canada and she has a difficult relationship with J's family.
The only productive thing that I did today was RSVP for the adoption seminar on February 22nd. I really hope that they don't try to scare us away since that was the feeling that I got from the intake worker.
Please continue to pray for our neighbours. Visitation will be tomorrow and Thursday and the funeral mass is going to be on Friday. I really don't think that it's hit A yet. We had dinner with them and some other neighbours and A was flitting about trying to finish a slide show for the funeral home.
I miss my crazy parents and they're only on vacation. I can't even imagine losing my father at 13. I'm 35 and I can't even bear the thought of my parents getting older and sick. I have to remind myself that I have to appreciate my crazy parents, regardless of how much they frustrate me.
I just wish that life lessons weren't so hard to digest.
1 February 2010
Please Pray
It seems like I'm always requesting prayers here, but this is a biggie.
We just found out that our neighbour passed away.
He's been struggling with diabetes and he had one of his legs amputated a couple of years ago. He was been waiting for a kidney transplant and during his wait he also developed heart trouble.
When I was coming home tonight his wife was parked across our driveways (ours are connected) and while I was waiting for her to move her truck she rolled down her window to ask if we could look after their daughter. They were on their way to the hospital because J went into cardiac arrest while having dialysis.
The doorbell just rang and it was our neighbour's brother telling us the sad news. He asked us if he could park J's wheelchair in our garage.
I'm shaking right now.
His daughter is only 13 and I can't imagine what she is going through right now.
I'm going to log off and cry.
We just found out that our neighbour passed away.
He's been struggling with diabetes and he had one of his legs amputated a couple of years ago. He was been waiting for a kidney transplant and during his wait he also developed heart trouble.
When I was coming home tonight his wife was parked across our driveways (ours are connected) and while I was waiting for her to move her truck she rolled down her window to ask if we could look after their daughter. They were on their way to the hospital because J went into cardiac arrest while having dialysis.
The doorbell just rang and it was our neighbour's brother telling us the sad news. He asked us if he could park J's wheelchair in our garage.
I'm shaking right now.
His daughter is only 13 and I can't imagine what she is going through right now.
I'm going to log off and cry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)